Doll (MikaYuu)

♦50♦ - Hello

"Come on," my mom warmly urged me, snapping me out my daze. She worried about me a lot for that: being completely out of it. She could throw the cat at me, and I still wouldn't notice unless she told me she was there. That pain was taking me over like a parasite.

I set Terminator on the floor, her stupid butt instantly scattering under the couch. She hissed, making me roll my eyes. I was always more of a dog person. I joined my mother on the couch, grabbing a pair of scissors myself to help cut up the rest of the magazines.

"Nice hobby," I murmured, cutting up the magazine into shreds over the trash bag. There was a small point to it; the snow had us packed in. There was no way we were getting fresh litter for Terminator.

"Just for the cat... And I was so sick of these old issues," she sighed, reaching for the next un-shredded issue. I stuffed a pillow behind her back since she was always complaining about back pain lately. "...How's the GuitarHero going?"

"Fine."

I knew she had a growing hate for the way we spoke these days. I was so terse and just dazed. At least, that's what she'd tell me. I didn't want to speak. I hated the fact even more that she always assumed it was her fault, when I was just suffering overall. I couldn't get over myself, either. I was trying so hard not to release the agony from the inside to the out, and my mother feared that, too. She offered me sleeping pills whenever I seemed on my way to becoming a detriment to myself.

Nothing was faltering the guilt. No amount of sleep, maybe enough pills...

"I was... Thinking we could go mess in the snow... I mean - once we can actually get the door open," she prosed, looking over at me. I also had a hard time looking her in the eyes.

I shrugged. "No."

"You don't like snow... Right."

I did. But it reminded me too much of Mika, it being his favorite season.

She cleared her throat, trying her best to converse. "I'm not sure what you plan to do in the future and stuff, but... I'm sure you'll need some money." She placed the wedding ring in my lap, making me pause. "Cash it in... I don't care."

I felt crushed. Everything just came crashing in. God, I was so annoyed. I didn't want to converse for the sake of not being able to speak, and now she gave me a damn reason. My hands were tightening and tears were welling in my eyes. I hated it. I didn't know what it was I hated because I couldn't build up enough focus to even bother with it. I just sensed anger without a clear source.

A sudden sting, and patters landed on the magazine.

"Hey," she snapped, taking the scissors from me. I had sliced my finger without even acknowledging what I was doing. Blood covered the shreds lacing through my fingers, and then I just let the whole thing hit the floor. "Sweetie, you could've just told me no. What is it?"

I almost chucked whatever I could reach away from me, but I balled my hands into fists, and I cried. "What is it? What is it?! Why would you give me this? This is your marriage, not my burden, mom!"

Before I knew it, I'd made her cry, too. "...He left! We didn't want to stay with each other! I hurt wearing that stupid ring all the time - I'm not trying to burden you, Yuu. I'm trying to just forget--"

"Don't you dare," I interrupted her, feeling the pain begin to ache up my hand. It pulsed rhythmically. "You can avoid what happened if you want to, but don't try and make me ignore it, too."

I left the couch, rounding the corner for the bathroom. I shut the door behind me, not even bothering to turn on the light. I wanted to be shut out in the dark so no one could see me just fall apart. Not even the damn toilet or shower. Just me and the darkness.