Doll (MikaYuu)

♦53♦ - Blueberry and Watermelon

That day, I felt like I'd seen it all. Mika had plunged into the deepest anxiety and shock of his life, and even being so inseparable, I thought I'd almost lose him. This part wasn't the focal point of the day, only a mere blurry memory. He was crying and so incomprehensible, clutching onto me and begging something I didn't understand.

I heard him say 'my mother' once. That was all I needed. I didn't know what had happened but I honestly didn't think I wanted to. All I knew was he couldn't even force a breath because he was crying so hard. My own mother was just as dumbfounded, merely frightened, but I knew more. I knew about his mother's condition. Her hospitalization due to her cancer. The thing she never deserved.

I felt sick but I drove him. Just him and I. I felt like I was driving to greet Death, stare him in his being and watch Mika crumble at my feet. It was such a sickening thought. He wouldn't talk to me. He was calming from his panic attack, listening to the radio while his hands shook in his lap. Tears stained his pale face.

There was nothing I could do to fix that. Not enough kisses in the world, embraces, condolence. Grief coated that boy like clothes - like skin. I couldn't get underneath that barrier.

But on his lips, at the edges, pulled a tiny smile.

I wasn't sure why I was still driving. Why I kept going. I knew it was for his sake - his own need. But for what? What happened then? After what he needed to do? I prepared for it all to fall apart - something to try and pull him back down into that abyss of depression.

He only spoke once to tell me where to turn after we drove for miles and miles. Almost an hour. In dead silence. I held his hand when I could.

The building was colossal, modern and glass. I wasn't sure why, but looking at the flowers out front made me sick, the colorful stickers on the windows.

People die here...
But people are also born here...

I tried to say something to him before we went in, get him to talk to me, but he escaped the car, looking more of in an exulted hurry than agonistic fear. I locked the car behind me, trying to keep up with him before I lost him. That was the last thing I wanted when he was in such a state.

For Mika to be alone and in pain. When I fell in love, that became my biggest fear.

I kept up with him, caught him still as if someone had paused time. I saw what he was looking at, what he walked towards with pure astonishment.

It was his mother. She was elegant in real life, in front of the two of us. Her blue eyes landed on me at first, then to him, her curtained haircut swaying in front of her vision when she realized. I saw where Mika got it all from - she was utterly beautiful, was riveting the same way as he could catch attention. The serenest smile found her lips as she recognized him, a small laugh of disbelief echoing in my head.

"Mommy," he whispered, wrapping his arms around her ample body. He towered her slightly, having her on her tiptoes to rest her chin on his shoulder.

"Scared you didn't I? Ah... You have grown so tall," she scoffed as she took a moment to admire him, sole amazement expressed through her.

I couldn't even believe it. After all the drowning anxiety I felt in the car. Now I was flushed with so much relief I wanted a seat.

I felt like I was gonna cry. In fact, I kinda tried to nonchalantly play it off by acting like I was gazing out the window or the floor.

"I have missed you... So much," she whispered, appearing as if she were refraining from weeping. Her frail hands swiped away his loose strands, thumbs wiping away his tears. "And seeing you here... means the absolute world to me."