Speak up already - Phan

Chapter 23

It was cryptically a blur. One of those dreams where your body is physically in a state where it is unable to move, but mentally you are prepared. Like you're glued down into a seat to watch some sort of cruel and unusual punishment.

It was weird for Jin to be watching himself. It made his stomach twist into knots at the way his hair was styled along with his unfashionable clothes that were popular back then. His hair was covering his eyes through the emo phase he had, a tight shirt and even tighter jeans. He was uncomfortable.

And before his little self, stood a man nearly his past self with bright blonde hair and contrasting brown eyes. The man had straight hair pushed back into a slight quiff, also suiting the style Jin's past self seemed to be wearing.

The room was his old house. Pale blue walls, band posters littered over every empty space and a desk littered with crumpled up pieces of paper. Pencils cluttered at every corner with the shavings along the floor near the bin.

The man before Jin looked confused, sitting down on the bed before them, head tilted in confusion.

"You seem more nervous than the time you were coming out to me." He laughed half-heartedly.

Jin nodded shakily, cracking a small smile in agreement.

The boy quickly raised his finger in a sudden movement, eyes bright. "Are you admitting your undying love for me young Jinarthur?!"

Jin rolled his eyes at the name, shaking his head. "I'm being serious. I-I...I h-have..."

"Well if you're being serious then say it clearly." The man interrupted, tidying up the room so his full attention wouldn't be directly on Jin in attempts to calm him down. He began by picking up the sketch books sprawled out across the messy floor and piling them up neatly as Jin continued to talk.

"I was diagnosed with Trichotillomania when I was younger. So whenever you see me and I'm like not in the best mood, if I go off into a room somewhere, just know that." Jin said with his eyes squeezed shut, only listening to the sounds of his unsteady breathing.

"I thought you were gonna say you were a mass murder or was into necrophillia or all lives matter over black lives matter." The boy laughed, picking up the sketchbooks and dumping them onto the bed as he sat down too, flicking through the pages out of curiosity.

Jin watched as the boy flicked through the pages of his old drawings. "It's hard to say though. I'm not afraid of you judging me but you're the first person I've told. When I tell you, it's like I'm telling myself." Jin explained quietly.

The other boy awed, dumping his arm around the other boy's shoulder. "You're adorable little bunny." He smiled, moving his hand up to the other boys hair and  softly rubbed his head and hair soothingly.

Jin sighed in relief, melting instantly at the touch. "Thank you." The words left his mouth without a second thought, mind racing but the only thought fast enough to get to the front was the thought that maybe, just maybe this boy could be his.

Then the dream cut off.

**

"I made stir-fry." Ludus declared loudly, his footsteps audibly running around the house looking into every room until he finally found the boy he was looking for.

"It's 1pm, I think you should wake up." Ludus said cheerily, opening the curtains of the dark room, feeling the dreary atmosphere.

Him and Jin were almost complete opposites when it came to sleeping. Jin was not and never would be a morning person.

Once the curtains were opened and the sunlight burst through the windows, Ludus could feel an angry glare burning a hole through heat vision into his back. He spun around to see Jin in a pool of thick blankets huddled around him topped with a giant duvet cover. His hair was sprawled out everywhere and eyes fuelled with anger and hatred. "Leave." The boy spat with fury, raspiness adding to the anger.

Ludus, use to this behaviour smiled, skipping over and getting underneath the duvet. "I made this really nice stir-fry and brought some prawn crackers too. Can't you smell it? Hurry up and get out of bed or I'll eat it all myself." Ludus said quietly, knowing well that the best way to get to Jin was through food.

Jin cracked an eye open. "I hope you die in a pit." He said grumpily, getting up.

"No you don't, I know you're utterly in love with me." Ludus giggled, getting up and hopping downstairs.

Soon after, Jin was following his tracks now properly awake after washing his face and brushing his teeth. His hair still looked messy and his pyjamas were still on, but this time he didn't have the evil glare lacing in his eyes. Now it was full of fatigue.

"Thank you for the food." Jin said quietly. "Sorry for being mean."

"I'm use to it. But I would prefer something to compensate my troubles if you don't mind." Ludus smirked.

"I do but continue." Jin stuffed a mouthful of the stir fry.

"Can I get a kiss? I made food and cleaned the whole house too! I'm such a house husband!" Ludus grinned widely.

Jin rolled his eyes, unable to stop a small smile from forming on his face. He stood up, making his way over to Ludus who was stood by the stove. Slowly he leaned forward, pressing their lips together briefly, moving his hand up to his neck to secure him in place and pressing his body forward slightly. They pulled apart and Ludus stared wide-eyed and pupils dilated.

Jin quickly got distracted, eyes peering up and smiling. "Did I ever mention brown hair suits you better?"

Ludus gasped. "I thought you'd never mention that! I hated blonde, also I started curling my hair, do you like it too?!" He grinned, cheeks turning a rose colour.

"Beautiful." Jin mumbled, walking back to his food with a smile.

xx