Speak up already - Phan

Chapter 14

Thank you for the lovely comments last chapter xx

Trigger Warning:

Mentions of suicide and self-harm

Phil's POV

The last few days of school has been hell.

Dan has been ignoring me lately and I have no clue why. But Anna has been comforting me a lot more lately because she knows that state i'm in and the state I could get in.

But I needed Dan the most when I was huddled up on my bed in the corner, hugging myself and rarely crying myself to sleep since normally I give up on sleep after the nightmares.

We were at my house as usual amd Anna and I were just talking in my room when she changed the subject to Dan.

"So, when was the last time you and Dan kissed?"

I bit my lip, thinking about it for a few seconds. "A-A week..."

Anna sighed. "What about the last time you two saw eachother?"

"A-A few d-days..."

Anna took my hand into hers. "Lion, why haven't you gone to see him?"

"H-He's mad that I h-haven't told him a-about the thing!" I protested.

"If you don't tell him, he'll get more mad, maybe feel like your keeping secrets from him and that's not good. Your going to have to tell him in one way or another." Anna explained.

I nod agreeingly, my feelings not matching with my actions.

I can't tell Dan.

He'll leave me if I do.

He'll leave you anywway once he realizes how ugly and useless you are.

I know.

You deserve to die.

I know.

Your making Anna and Dan suffer. Just go kill yourself already.

I will.

Anna's POV

~~The next day~~

I let myself into Phil's house since I had the keys and shut the door behind me.

"Phil?" I call out, putting my stuff down, checking the time.

Two thirty.

He should be awake by now.

I trude my way into his room and see that the bed's nicely made and that there's a small note.

I scramble to read it and my heart practically stops at the first line.

Dear Anna,
                    This is my suicide note.

I run to the bathroom, since Phil would most likely be there and I start to bang desperatly on the locked door.

"PHIL?! PHIL OPEN THE DOOR! I SWEAR TO GOD YOU BETTER OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! THIS ISN'T FAIR! Y-YOU CAN'T LEAVE DAN, YOU CAN'T L-LEAVE ME! PHIL PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE!!" I scream, sesrching frantically for a key.

I run to his room and search through his draw of useless stuff and see a bunch of keys. Luckily, one of them labelled 'bathroom key'.

I unlock the door as fast as possible, bracing myself for what I would see.

There lay Phil, in a pool of his own blood on the floor. He's shirtless, visible are all the new ragged cuts along his chest, stomach and arms.

I shakily get out my phone, calling for an ambulance, waiting with Phil in my arms.

"Please lion wake up, p-please d-don't leave t-this world, I-I can't let y-you die, your m-my b-best friend!" I whimper quietly.

When the ambulance arrives, they take me and Phil to the hospital where they submit him to the A&E department.

I sit in the waiting room, hands covered in blood so I pace to the toilets to clean myself up.

When I get back, I call Phil's parents first, but they won't get back for a few hours since they are gone to visit a relative.

I contemplate on whether to call Dan. I was just about to hit call on Dan's contact when I feel a hand on my shoulder making me flinch.

I turn to see a man who presumably is a doctor jusging from his white coat and form of ID.

"Are you an aquatance of Phillip Lester?"

"Y-Yeah, i'm that one that called the ambulance."

"I'm afraid to say that the cuts Phillip have obtained is rather deep, therefore he will need stitches and possible surgery to close up the wounds that are close to vital organs."

"B-But he'll live right?!"

"If the procedure passes correctly, then hopefully."

Anna nodded

"But after Phil gets out of the hospital hopefully in the near future, he will be submitted into councelling three times a week."

"Okay." I say quietly. "Can I see him yet?"

"Not just yet i'm afraid." The doctor says before giving me a sympathetic smile and leaving back through the door he entered from.

I sit back down on the plastic uncomfortable waiting room chairs and finally call Dan.

"Hello? Anna?" Dan answers after a few rings. His voice sounds dry and empty in a way.

"Yeah it's me, look Dan you need to get to the hospital now. It's Phil. I'll explain the details when you get here, but the main thing is, he tried to kill himself." I say sadly.

"W-WHAT?!" Dan almost screams before hanging up.

I sigh, waiting for Dan to arrive, just staring at the general hospital leaflets littered around the ageing grey wall.

~~Half an hour later~~

I finally see Dan walk in, with bloodshot eyes and deep bags showing he hasn't slept in a while. Just like Phil.

His hair is curly and messy and he's wearing jeans and a jumper.

"What happened?!" He asks quietly but quickly, sitting down next to me.

"I-I walked in a-and he w-was in the bathroom a-and there were c-cuts everywhere. H-He left me a suicide note and I read it and I c-can't...I d-don't know what t-to do Dan I-I just.." I burst into a pool of tears and Dan pulls me into a comforting hug as I feel my shoulder get warmer before realizing that he's also crying.

"I-I think...I-I should e-explain Phil's s-secret now..."