Living With Dee

Fourty-two

I watched myself in the mirror, tears slipping down my cheeks and onto my shirt. My once long brown hair cut short and ratted. The gleam and life in my eyes is gone as well.

I let my eyes flicker to each part of me. All I could think of, as I stared at my white skin under the fluorescent light, is why? Why am I the one who had gotten into this mess. Why am I the one taking care of a child that will never have a normal, safe life?

My hands clenched at my sides each time I took a chance to glimpse at my beautiful daughter. It was so heart breaking, shattering to see her involved with this. To think that this all have been stopped if I hadn't gone out that night.

Now, I have seen I am the true monster. Each time I turn around I keep making mistakes and unraveling Raven's dirty secrets. I keep finding more and more things to hate about the awful man, that I brought into my life.

Tears cascaded from my eyes as I closed them, only to pop them back open. No, I wasn't just going to stop giving up, though. I wasn't going to lose hope of LizAnnie and Diana ever having freedom. They weren't the ones who made that choice.

I was a mother. A best friend. To them, I was the way to their safety. And there still is a chance for me to get them out of this.

Raven is a killer. He would stop at nothing just because it would frighten me.

Jason is a killer. His innocence was never underneath, he no longer has any.

Cory is a killer. His job to follow each and every clans of Raven.

And I live with all of them. Many more are in the background, but who knows how long it will be until I discover them, too. To watch as those men take lives of people.

To think, just behind one single door, there is more than just Liz and I held against our will. People are in that closet getting beaten to death. Who are suffering under the hands of the man I love.

I can't do anything about it.

Wiping under my eyes, I leave the bathroom to hover over Diana's crib. Her soft snores made me laugh silently, tears pouring out faster than before. I know that with every bone in my body, I want her to be safe.

Even if that means hurting me in the process.

I kiss her cheek and tuck her teal blanket closer. Turning around, I close the bedroom door behind me, knowing full well LizAnnie was just about to enter my room. I walked straight across the hall to where I know Raven will be.

Without thinking, I slam open the door with my hair wild and tears spilling down my face. I could tell the anger emitting from me wasn't phasing him at all. But I didn't care.

I glare at him with all the hatred I have built up for him and myself. He must have sensed something was off the moment I entered because he sat straight up.

"What are you?" I screamed at him, fighting desperately for my sanity. "What ever could have possessed you to do such a thing?!"

He stares at me blankly. "I don't know what your talking about."

I through the doors closed, though by now everyone had probably heard me. "Don't give me that bull. You know every well what kind of monster you are," I spat. Trusting a hand out, I slam it on his desk in frustration. "What is wrong with you?! Do you have daddy issues or something?

Has your father beaten you senseless until you can't breathe? And now, all grown up and powerful, you plan to run everyone else's lives for your amusement?

Or is it because your mother walked out on you as a kid? Couldn't bare to see your father do what you do for a living and murder people in cold blood. Couldn't bare to see her child grow into a sick-"

"Enough!" He booms. Standing up and getting in my face from behind his desk. "You will not speak to me this way."

He grabs my arm forcefully and adds pressure to make it hurt. I yank it back, though, and continue. "What?! Afraid of the truth! Now that I know what you really are you're afraid, aren't you? What can you possibly be afraid of?!"

He gets his teeth. "Shut up. You know nothing."

For some reason, I let my arm slide across his desk and tear everything clean off, fueling his anger. "I know you are a sick man. Does killing give you pleasure? Do you feel better about your past issues now that other's have died in your hands?"

He growled deep his throat, the hair on his shoulders falling off as soon as he comes over to me. I clenched my jaw and watched him get right in front of my face. "You have no idea what I have been through," he growled out deeply and rough. His hand shoots out to grip my hair and pull it up. I whisper in pain but still glare at him.

"I think I have a pretty good idea," I retort harshly. Raven pulls harder on my hair but I only hiss. "Did you ever stop to think that one day I would find out? Did you honestly think I would sit back and watch you torture people?"

His steel eyes burned into mine. "What do you want me to do, Tesoro? Those men are down there for a reason."

What did I want him to do? It's not like he would stop his killing spree just because I commanded so.

I felt the water drops fall from my cheek and to the ground. I leaned into his hand gripping my hair so it wouldn't hurt as bad. "Is there a way," I whisper, my voice cracking. "I-Is there a way that you can free my daughter?"

He let me go and stepped back as if i had struck him. Raven looks at me in pure horror. "What? Let her go!" He roars.

I step back myself. "Yes. Please! I will do anything," I yell. "Just let her and LizAnnie go! They don't deserve this."

Raven heaves his chest up and down, but stops for a moment. "You will do anything that I command?"

If that's what it takes to keep her alive.

I nod. "Yes."

"Than they can leave. You are marrying me this Friday."

My eyes widen and I start crying harder. But I was grateful they could leave. They wouldn't be stuck here with my problems, all the while risking there lives. Sooner or later, more gangs like the Maugeris' family will come for me. And when they do, it's a leverage against Raven the whole time.

Diana and LizAnnie wouldn't be taken, too.

"Wh-why do you still want me?" I look at him, my vision blurry. "I won't have a child anymore. Why would you keep me?"

Raven looks me in the eye, emotion flowing through his but he quickly hid them. "You can have more. You're perfectly capable."

So this is it. Diana and Liz can safely go back home, leaving this life all in the past. I will stay here, marry the man I hate and love, and have more children. But as long as my first born will be safe, I don't care what Raven does with me.

"O-okay," I respond shakily.

This is all for you, Dee.

Raven goes back over to his desk, his computer and files still on the floor. My anger was burned away with sorrow, but relief. "One condition."

My heads shoots to his in fear. "Oh?"

"They can not tell anyone about here. We will be changing your friends name as well as Diana's last. They will live in a different home I have set up as a new person. Diana will grow up knowing that LizAnnie is her mother-not you."

She won't remember me.

I sob into my hands but nod quickly. If that's what it takes to keep her safe. I'll do it.

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Thank you guys for all your support! You really are amazing.

By the way, Vita Mia means, my life.