Living With Dee

Fifty-two

 Cooling off after the big scene was a bit difficult. My head was pounding and swarming with thoughts on a rampage. My heart was refusing to calm down. And worst of all, so was Diana.

Her tears soaked into my clothes as she cried and cried. I sighed heavily, filled with deep sorrow and regret for making her cry. All I could do now was rock her in my arms and hope she calms down soon. Until then, I was stuck on my feet.

I leaned my cheek against the tiny infant curled on my shoulder. I softly spoke into her skin while bouncing in my step. My eyes wandered to the baby supplies that were all over the dresser and floor. It was a mess but I didn't feel like cleaning it, so I instead watched it.

My mind started to go to the past. When Liz and I were younger. I started to think about the times we would play in her backyard, or when we went to the mall just to walk around and try on hideous clothes. Soon, Jason had joined our little group and would take us to the arcade. We would eat meals at his father's restaurant and sleep over at my house.

Back when things were still peaceful. Just the memory finally put me at ease. And since I had finally relaxed, so did Dee.

I got a tad teary eyed, because those times can no longer continue on. But I knew that I would have to face reality soon. Even though my situation is a weird way to make me face it, I still have to.

If I continued to think about when we were young, I could feel the childhood memories taking over my thoughts completely. The times when my father and I would play for hours on end. When my mother would decorate things my little brother and I built, and when Liz would just watch because she was untalented and clumbsy.

Those were precious moments of my life that I wanted to keep. And no matter how hard I try, I can't hate those times because of what's happening now. I want my beautiful daughter to grow up in that environment. Where she is free to play in the backyard with the neighbors' kid without having to worry that some gang members will take her.

But I could also feel guilt. I wanted that life for her so badly, that I was willing to take her father away. Despite the fact that I literally hate his entire existence, I know that he took part in making my blessing. Though he didn't for very long, he still did something.

And just by looking at Raven, I could now see he has a soft spot for his daughter. If it meant her safety and happiness, he would give her the world. That must be the reason he gave into my negotiation. I really believed I would have to put up more of a fight to leave him than I did.

Realizing that Diana's tears were now dried, I laid myself and her onto the bed. I close my eyes and kiss her cheek, sighing deeply before talking. "I love you, Dee. I really do. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. When we find LizAnnie, this will be all over. I promise."

"Don't make things you can't keep," a voice darkly says. I snap my head to the bedroom door to see Cory, glaring harshly at me. "You yourself aren't even positive Raven will stick to his word. Who knows? We might not even find her."

"Hush," I say, removing my eyes from his direction back onto Dee. "Whether I believe it or not doesn't matter. LizAnnie will be found. And we will leave."

Cory clicked his tongue. "Do you believe that? What if she is dead? What if they tortured her so bad, she no longer remembers her own name? Then what will you do? Throw another tantrum like you did back there? Suck it up. You aren't the only one with problems."

Rolling my eyes, I grab onto the tiny hand that was lifted up slightly in the air. "It seems like you have a handful of problems yourself. Why don't you suck it up then? Why must I become the only one who deals with the craziness. You and I both know, being a gang member had messed you up.