Don't Play With Dolls (BTS and VIXX)

Forty Three- Don't Want Death

{{{Author's Note~ Since it's Friday and I'm feeling pretty nice today, here's an extra chapter for ya'll. But don't kill me after reading this depressing stuff 😂😬😭 I love you all.}}}

They placed a number of pamphlets in English in front of me. They explained a bit of each one.

I was in utter shock. In complete disbelief. How could this happen? Why? Why me of all people? First Jin and now this? I didn't have time for this. I didn't want this. I couldn't deal with it.

"And that's the last one. Do you have any questions?" The doctor looked at me.

I shook my head. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. Please just be dreaming. Please let all of it be an illusion. Wake up. Wake up!

He placed his hand feebly over mine. "Ms. Whitlow, I understand this is shocking. And I know it's hard, but we will help you get through this. We have a wonderful oncology program right here in the clinic. We will help you through this." He looked at me.

I nodded. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. I tried to blink them away. Of all things. Of all things it could've possibly been. It had to be cancer.

"Thank you for everything." I took the pamphlets and rushed out the door.

"We'll get ahold of you in a few days with the results of your blood test," he called after me.

Did I want to know? Did it really matter? There was no other logical explanation for it. There was nothing more that could possibly go wrong.

I rushed out of the clinic. I need to get away. Everyone needs to get away. To go away. I walked swiftly down the sidewalk. I had to be alone.

I watched everyone. They all walked by without even a glance. Some entranced by their phones, others in deep conversation. No one cared to look. To pay attention. Because it wasn't them. It was me. They lived their own lives. They probably lived simple, calm and happy lives. They could probably say they'd done most of the things they wanted to do with their lives. But I gave it all away.

The one other person that meant something. He was gone. Forever. The misery was already bad enough. This only amplified it.

I sat on the subway in silence. I want to go back to my hotel. I want to lay down. I needed to lay down. I needed to wake up from this dream. Everything seemed so unreal. All of it. Was I living a fantasy? A dream?

How would I tell my family? How would they take it? How would I take it admitting to it? I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't tell anyone that. It was almost selfish. To ruin someone like that. To let them grieve with me. To sit and wait with me until my death. I was so alone in this.

I stepped through the door of my suite and dragged myself to my bed. I sat down and Farouk was right beside me. My eyes gazed at the floor. My mind wouldn't shut up. It was filled with thoughts. With worries.

I felt Farouk grab hold of me as he pulled me into him. I wanted his hug to mean something. It was meant to mean something. Everything. He was the only one here. Yet I was too numb. I was too broken to be put back together.

All it took was a single tear, and then the rest came. I buried my face into his shoulder and sobbed quietly to myself. He stayed with me in silence, holding me.

The only one that knew my secret. The only one that had been with me through everything, no matter what. My best friend. I didn't want him to leave too. I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want to leave period. My brother, my parents, my friends, my life. It was all going to be sucked away. I didn't want it to be.

I couldn't die yet. I didn't want to die.