Climbing Up Out Of The Ashes

Carving Out Hearts

note * I fell in love the day before Halloween once. Often I think how fitting that was, cause what is scarier than falling in love?*

I was late carving out the pumpkin that year.

my rocky fists of boredom beating on the orange melon.

smiling I dug out all the insides of the gourde till it was hollow.

now it was down to the hard part, the carving, with not a clue what to etch into the massacre I just created.

Picking up the marker I immediately put it down hearing the soft buzz of your message.

a simple hello and the rotten pumpkin was forgotten on my kitchen table. 

hours passed by in no time as we chatted without sounds, only using our loose fingers.

I entered your world of mornings while you helped love me through my nights.

opposite sides of the earth yet we were next to each others hearts. 

my heartbeat as fast as the river's stream,

left me longing to be led to your doorstep.

In your world I found myself, the real me.

through my lies came the truths.

The power you held over me did frighten me,

yet it excited me much more.

I cared about none but you, only you for so long.

to the point of hysteria, shunning of family, thoughts vacant of my chores.

The few times I believed I pleased you I was elated,

the many times you disciplined me I loved the most. 

when I made you angry I changed my behavior for you. 

That was all three years ago, when I carved two hearts on that pumpkin.

showing the world how much I loved you,

using the uneven broken down flesh of a rotting food to carve out beautiful lines of our story.

Now this year I sit a week before Halloween thinking what to carve into it this time.

knowing there will be no message from you this Halloween, 

I draw the moon and the sun,

hoping somehow my heartbeat of a river will still lead me to your doorstep.