Grass Ain't Greener

⚖Chapter Thirty Nine⚖

Erica Point of View

Its just one of those days that i want to be under Cyn but chose to work cause she has no idea about the hell i've been through to get to this place. I like when she soothes me because i still have feeling of abandonment. Psychology that wont go away but i cope with it. She is kind of like a mother in a way, but she loves me deeply. 

I do not party or go on gigs without telling her, don't get drunk even without kids around or her, don't hang much with my squad cause i mean they all hella sexy and they used to stay kissing on me and Victoria licked my damn face lol, and i basically tell this and that to Cyn before causing any problems. Communication was our biggest issue and damn well i fasho know not to do anything she don't like.

It cost me my baby to see that i was fucking up and my "man" was sleeping with his baby mama. Karma was a bitch but i learned and know to tell Cyn everything. I let her party cause i don't want Ella to take her fun away. Ella loves and bonds with her and so does king. So if i'm hugging another female ass or throwing money on a female, i don't know how Cyn would take it. She went out with Joe like that but she wont be the same with me. Albee calls me her minion but its just me not fucking up and making it to where mistakes can happen.

Bow changed my life for better and worse without vows. I do not regret it though cause of those four precious months i got to be a mom again in a sense. I think about him or her and i sometimes can't look at ella due to the fact she cant replace my baby that was taken for me. I saw my video of grieving countless times especially today.

People call my tears fake or i was not even pregnant. That was the realest i've been about my personal life on Social media and Tv. I go hard for king and Ella. Imma go hard for this new child i plan on getting. Kids aren't born spiteful into this world, but they are paying for others mistakes. I did ask Cyn about this and she said it was a bad idea even tho its a good cause. I explained that the process takes forever and i have a bigger house now. Bear and milk man don't even be here that much like that.

When my kids go away with Raul or Cyn, i be alone and me being alone brought me to this cause. I'm doing something about it and not just speaking on it. Cyn might disagree sometimes due to my stress levels but i'm making a difference somehow someway. I'm not a selfish person as Mona put me out nor am i cold hearted.

I see Cyn is still asleep holding me and I slowly move out of her grasp. She moved a bit but didn't wake up. I grabbed a piece of paper and started writing a note.

Dear baby,

Its mommy again and i know you are still here somewhere. I can feel you protecting me the way i should have protect you. Mommy is sorry that i failed you, and your siblings but im doing better. I do love you and wont for-

Cyn: Babe? *feeling beside her as she mumbles* Erica...Eri-*sits up* Oh baby why didn't you wake me up? *smiling*

Erica: Um no reason *hiding the note and pencil under my ass* You looked so peaceful.

Cyn: Why did you put paper under your ass? *confused*

Erica: No i didn't *laughing* you are still sleepy ba-