You and I (vkook)

Chapter 21

'Cause I think you're a saint and I think you're an angel

Jeongguk was too surprised with what had just happened to even think of something.

So Taehyung had panic attacks. Was that the real reason why he hated being alone then? Would it happen frequently? How had Jeongguk not known about this after all this time he had spent with the older? Was Taehyung afraid or embarrassed of sharing that with Jeongguk?

Seeing the look on Taehyung's face after he told the younger that he had panic attacks made Jeongguk be sure that the answer to his last question was yes.

The younger tried to quickly recompose himself because Taehyung for sure needed him to say something. "Are you okay now?"

Taehyung only nodded.

"I had no idea," Jeongguk started. "Is this why you don't like being alone?"

"Yes... Being alone kind of is the reason why this usually happens." Taehyung's voice was so low, he sounded so sad and embarrassed that Jeongguk wanted to hold him tight and never let him go.

"I..." Jeongguk had no idea of what to say now. "I never saw it happening and you never told me so I just... Do you have it often?"

Taehyung looked down, refusing to face the younger as he spoke. "Not so often nowadays. It happened a lot while I still lived at home, then it got better after I moved to the dorm and... well, it's been a while since the last time."

The older boy looked up and locked eyes with Jeongguk. "After... after I met you I never had one again, until now at least."

"I feel so bad for you Tae, it must be horrible. How you deal with this?"

"I don't?" Taehyung laughed, but his laugh held no emotion to it. "It's complicated... It happened most because my dad would never be home and he would leave me to take care of my sister and I would feel so pressured and alone... I never knew how to deal with it."

Before Jeongguk could say anything else, Taehyung kept talking. "I kind of just found ways of making myself feel safer you know? I always liked going to my grandma's. Sometimes I felt like my house was suffocating me, along with everyone in it... It's not like I wanted to run away from my family. I love them. And it wasn't like I wanted to run away from facing my problems as well."

Taehyung took a breath before continuing. "Like, I know most of the times I went to her house in order to avoid being alone and having a panic attack, but there were times that it wasn't because of that. I just needed to get a breath of fresh air. To be in a different place."

He shrugged. "Sometimes I'd hate my house. I'd despise having to go back there and all I wanted was to run away and never look back. There were days I seriously considered the option of booking a room in any hotel at the city just to get away from home for a while... Staying there was driving me insane and sometimes I went to my grandma to get away."

Jeongguk picked the other's hand and squeezed it, receiving a shy smile from Taehyung.

"She used to live in the same street as mine." Taehyung said. "Her apartment was literally just three buildings away from mine, but going there was enough to make me feel better. It didn't matter if it was so close from home.

"My dad never liked the idea of me staying at my grandma's so most days he wouldn't even know I was there. He wasn't going to be home so why did he need to know anything?" The older said bitterly.

Jeongguk smiled sadly at the boy, this wasn't what he was planning to do once Yoongi told him Taehyung was waiting for him, the younger wanted to just tell the other that he loved him but Taehyung started to cry before Jeongguk could even finish greeting him. But none of it mattered because Jeongguk is here for the good and the bad parts of life for Taehyung.