Thank you!!

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That was a long ass ride and could basically just be a hell of a huge promotion for PVRIS by the amount if times I mentioned the band here lol

Camila Cabello wrote an album to get better, Min Yoongi shared his struggles in a mixtape, I decided to write a messy 120k and something fanfiction about my otp lol

Tae is literally me on this story; everything related to his personality is me. From his nerdy ass that loves Doctor Who and knows all the lines from the Harry Potter movies, his anglophile self that loves London more than anything, his odd idea of fun as watching Lilo & Stitch videos on YouTube to everything related to his mental illness and his panic mindset. All of those are completely accurate situations.

All the feelings, reactions from friends and parents and stuff are things that I experienced in first hand so I am not trying to make it look real, it is real. The feeling of panic, of guilty, of shame, everything of that is real. It's really not just an overreaction, feeling panicked 24/7 sucks and I just wanted to write all my shit down in form of a character to let it all out. Turns out doing this is pretty fucking helpful.

I am not great, had an anxiety attack just last week so yeah... I don't know if I'll get better or not but I'm trying to live with this. It was great to write this all out and share some things I was never strong enough to say out loud.

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed this. It is a bit hypocritical for me to say this as clearly I am pessimistic as fuck but... as a great mind once said we need to remind ourselves that "life has a beautiful undertone" and that "sometimes you gotta bleed to know that you are alive and have a soul" – yes Tyler Joseph is the great mind, fight me – so never give up, maybe things will actually get better one day but only if we keep living and fighting we will be able to see it and live the good times we only dream of.

Thank you for bearing through all the months I took to update and all my shit writing. Can't believe I actually managed to finish this haha!

Thank you again and I love you all.  

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 29, 2017 ⏰

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