Make Me Yours (Lost Star)

Route 51

I hurriedly went inside our house the moment I got out of my car. Wala akong pakialam sa ginawang pagtawag ni Mommy. Halos takbuhin ko na ang hagdan para lang makapagkulong sa aking kwarto.

The moment I was inside my room, I cried. Halos nanginginig na ako sa sobrang pag-iyak. It feels like my heart was taken inside of me. I feel like there's nothing inside me but pure pain and agony.

Why does it has to be this fucked up? Of all people... why us?

I can't help but to think of Eos. What's he going to do if he learns about this? Will he really just leave me because I'm the daughter of my mother?

I know how he loathes his father. He can't even stay in a room with him for seconds without bursting out. He even hates the wife because he thinks that she's one of the reason why his father can't love him.

May tatlong sinisising tao si Eos. Ang sarili niya, ang daddy niya... at ang mommy ko.

How much pain would this inflict on him? Will he really choose hate over me?

How about Tita Ellaine? Will she still be that nice to me if she knew that I'm the daughter of the woman her love chose over her? What will she feel if she learned that the father of her children still loves my mother? Will she be in deep pain, too?

How about my parents? I know the pain they went through because of this. I know how my father struggled everyday just because mom is bearing another man's name. I know how it pained my mother to see my father in pain and vice versa. I know how she endured everything that my grandparents and aunts threw at her just because of this.

Will they accept Eos? Will they approve of us?

Will they... No. Can't they just accept it for us?

Hindi ba pwedeng labas na lang kami dito?

Can Eos just forget his hatred because of his love for me?

Am I an enough reason?

Or...

Can I be selfish?

Kahit ngayon lang...

Hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako sa sobrang pag-iyak. My eyes felt so heavy the morning I woke up. Pati ang buong katawan ko ay parang ang bigat pero pinilit kong kumilos.

Hindi ako sumabay sa almusal. Ni hindi ako nagpaalam nang umalis para pumasok. I'm not mad at my mother but I just don't know how to face her... Them...

I feel guilty dahil alam kong magiging isa ako sa mga rason kung bakit sila masasaktan. Na kaya kong saktan ang lahat ng taong nakapaligid sa akin sa kung ano mang magiging desisyon ko.

Pagpasok naman ay agad kong inatupag ang aking trabaho. As much as possible, I don't want to think of what happened yesterday. I tried to act normal. Sa tingin ko naman ay nagtagumpay ako dahil mukhang hindi naman nakahalata si Lani at Adi. O baka hindi na lang nila pinuna.

Hindi ako agad umuwi pagkatapos sa trabaho dahil ayoko pang makausap si Mommy. I'm sure she badly wants to talk to me about what happened. Alam ko ang iniisip nito ay galit ako dahil nagsinungaling siya kay Daddy. At mas okay na iyon na lamang ang isipin niya.

Hindi nahalata ni Mommy na magkakilala kami ni Mr. Martinez. She thought that I was startled because I met his husband. She made it clear that as much as possible, she doesn't want me and my sister to get involved.

But it was too late.

Because I was already invovled even before I knew it.

I went to a cafe and spent my time there thinking about everything. My possible choices and the consequences of each of them.