matty healy imagines

never you // matty (pt 1)

this is from falling-for-the-antichrist on Tumblr !!

// I hope this makes up for my lack of imagined and soz I haven't been updating !!

There is almost nothing harder than watching the one you love fall apart right in front of your eyes. It starts off as one little mistake and, “I won’t do it again, promise.” Then it becomes a pattern, and although they swear it isn’t happening, you can feel it deep inside of you. Everything about them changes, even if on the outside they pretend they are the same. They might be able to fool the rest of the world, but not you. Never you.

When you had first met Matty, you knew he didn’t hold back when it came to alcohol and weed. He was young with very few responsibilities. Hell, you might’ve been a bit worse. However, as time went on, you became more aware that getting shit faced every night is going to prevent you from living the life you want. Matty didn’t get that memo, no he decided that drinking throughout the day was the best route for him. You noticed the pattern one morning when you woke up. Matty wasn’t lying next to you anymore, he was in the shower. You walk into the bathroom, ready to join your boyfriend, when you see a glass full of tequila. At first you had thought you woke up later in the day, but when you looked at the alarm clock, it read 8:34am. Who drinks this early in the day? Apparently Matty does now. You didn’t know what to do. As time went on, the problem just got worse. If Matty didn’t have his morning booze, he was mean and shaky. He’d drink right before and right after every show, until the minute he went to sleep. The other boys have tried to confront him about it, but as usual, he just gets an attitude and walks away. Nobody knew what to do.

The sound of your alarm clock wakes you up, and with a loud groan, you throw the heavy blanket off of you. Matty wasn’t next to you, as usual. You miss the mornings where his first thought was you, not the bottle of poison that has destroyed his life. You sulk and walk to the bathroom, and looking in the mirror, you can’t help but tear up. How did you end up here? You have always had such big dreams and aspirations, but now you are here worrying about your alcoholic boyfriend who is 27 years old. Wiping away the tear that streamed down your face, you pick up your toothbrush and toothpaste.

After you were done getting ready for the day, you walk out of your room and into the kitchen. There he was, sitting on the counter, with his mouth around the bottle of red wine. “Morning,” he slurs in your direction, still looking at his phone.

You say nothing. Talking to a drunken idiot was not on the list of things you wanted to do today.

“What are your plans today?” He asks, not that he cares, but is just getting the small talk out of the way,

Without looking at him, instead pouring a bowl of cereal, you say, “Not sure.”

He scoffs, “What’s your problem now?”

Staying silent, you continue to make your food without paying him any attention.

Matty scoffs again, mumbling, “Pathetic,” under his breath.

You’re not sure why, but this triggers something in you. “Are you fucking serious? I’m pathetic?”

“Well that’s what I said,” he shoots back.

That’s it, you were done. Out of anger, you look up at your ceiling. “Do you want to know what’s pathetic, Matty? A 27 year old man needs his girlfriend to babysit him because he is an alcoholic and can’t make it an hour without some booze. It’s pathetic that the first thing you do when you wake up is not give your love a kiss or acknowledge her in any way, but is to grab your bottle and take a big gulp. It is pathetic that at this point in your life you are so far gone that nobody around recognizes you anymore. It’s pathetic that I am still here enabling this bullshit while you get to treat me like this. That is pathetic, Matty. Your life is pathetic at this point. And you are doing nothing but holding me back from the good life I deserve.”

At this point there are tears streaming down your face. All of those feelings you’ve been holding back have finally come out, and holy shit it felt good.

It took him a minute to process what you had just said, as he is drunk out of his mind. “Wow, that’s really fucking rich. If you really hated it this much, why didn’t you just leave? I never told you to stay. You are more than fucking welcomed to pack your shit and leave. It wouldn’t make a difference in my life.”

“Oh it wouldn’t? Really? Because if I recall these events correctly, I am holding your hair back and making sure you are safe 3 or 4 nights a week. Not because I want to, but because you are too fucked up to take care of yourself. Like a fucking teenager, Matty.”

He laughs, “You think you’re the only person on the planet that can do that for me? You’re just like every other girl out there. I could find someone to do that for me easy. You aren’t irreplaceable. The next girl might actually be worth my time.”

That hurt, a lot. “Matty, we have been together for four years. We have been through so much. You really think someone else would willingly do this for you? Because I know that if I were to meet you today, I wouldn’t in my right mind do any of that bullshit. I have literally gotten to the point where I am putting my life on hold so I can take care of you. That’s not fucking fair! I deserve a shot too! I deserve to live the life I want, and this isn’t it. I don’t want to spend the next few years taking care of my grown ass boyfriend. It’s fucking pathetic.”

“Then fucking leave! I don’t give a damn whether or not you’re here. You’re just a pain in my ass anyways!” He screams at you.

If that’s what he wants, so be it, “Fine, I’ll leave.” You then walk right past him, and into your bedroom. Kneeling down, you grab the suitcase that sits under your bed. Going to your dresser, you grab whatever you can and shove it in the bag. You hear footsteps, and a loud thud. “Ow, fuck.” He probably hit something, being as he is drunk.

When Matty enters the room, he sees what you’re doing and scoffs, “You’re not actually leaving.”

“Want to fucking bet? I’m leaving and I never want to see you again,” you say while grabbing everything.

His face gets serious, “No, you’re not fucking leaving me. I’m not letting you leave.” He tries to sound as serious as possible, but his speech is slurred.

You say nothing, and zip up the suitcase. Picking it up and setting it on the ground, you grab your purse and phone and head for the door.

You feel a hand grab your arm, and your first instinct is to fight. So you turn around and push Matty as hard as you can. Normally he would’ve barely flinched, but because of his state, he falls to the ground. He grunts, but manages to block the door.

“You aren’t leaving. I won’t drink anymore, I promise,” he says. More empty threats. He wasn’t fooling you anymore. Not you.

“Matty, ten minutes ago, you were telling me that I am not irreplaceable and that you can find someone else to take care of you. So do it. Because I refuse to do it. I refuse to sit around and watch you kill yourself. I am too good for this,” and with that, you run out of the door.

Once you get to your car, you throw your suitcase in the backseat, and head for the driver’s seat. You can hear Matty screaming your name, and it’s getting closer, meaning he is following you. As fast as you can, you pull out of the parking space.

Matty has been your life for the past four years. You uprooted your life and moved so you could be with him. There was nowhere you could go. Sure you could go to the other boy’s houses, but that’s the first place Matty would go, and the last thing you wanted was to see him. This wasn’t fair. You have devoted so much time and energy to Matty, and for him to act as if it meant nothing to him was not fucking fair.

All of a sudden, there is a loud crash, glass is shattering, and you are being launched into your windshield. There are screams in the background, but before anyone reaches you, you black out.