matty healy imagines

honeycomb // matty ((part six))

- via xothemonsteryoumade on a03!!

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Adam made Matty feel normal; maybe that was why it took so long for him to realize how much Adam didn't care. Matty was so desperate for some kind of normalcy, some kind of stability, just something that fit the stereotype of what his life should be, that he didn't want to look past that this was a blatantly obvious pity party, and Adam threw it all for him. He was dizzy and disoriented from the glitzy decorations and the poison laced in the delectable snacks, and now he was finally escaping this hellish party and fully realizing why the party was even thrown in the first place.

"Matty?"

The hour bell rang then, and Adam stared at him, anticipating some kind of reassuring response, something that would tell him that what he said was perfectly fine, that Matty understood what he meant and agreed. But he got the complete opposite of what he expected.

"You know, I do talk to other people besides you; people at school and outside of it. Don't act like I depend on you for my well being; because I don't, I'm perfectly fine without you. You're just another acquaintance to me; just another easily replaceable person I interact with. You think the same of me; except you're trying harder to hide it. You claim that you're trying so hard to help me, but all you do is continuously remind me of how fucked up I am. You think me finally talking was because of your pathetic attempt at helping? No, it wasn't, it was because of my own determination, and a little help from someone who actually cares. So please, just shut up, and get off your high horse, and lets talk about something insignificant like acquaintances are supposed to, like homework or the weather."

Adam was speechless; which was exactly what Matty wanted, but at the same time, Matty knew he had just removed the one normal constant in his life, and that made his heart hurt and his eyes watery. He couldn't cry in front of Adam; it would show that he gave a fuck, and that's exactly what he didn't want to do. So he walked away, out the classroom doorway, and onto his next class, weaving through the people in the hallways so there would be no way Adam could find him and catch up.

x x x x x x

Contrary to Matty's belief, Adam did care.

Adam knew he had an issue with phrasing things and being empathetic; it was ingrained in his personality, and he knew that he'd never fully break out of it. But he was trying to improve; and it was so hard to try putting himself in Matty's shoes. His life was just such a mess; while Adam's was organized and almost perfect in a way. His family was stable, and also rich, so he didn't have to worry about being in debt for college. He had a nice girlfriend, a rather plain looking girl named Olive. He had great grades, all As, and he was hoping to become a surgeon. 
Matty's life was nothing like Adam's, not in any way, shape or form. His mom was a prostitute, his parents have been divorced for years, and he was mute for years because of (what Adam thought) was the odd belief that his words weren't worth anything. Not to mention that Matty has had severe depressive episodes since the two had first met, and that was only at age ten.

Matty just worried Adam so much; it was beginning to drain Adam mentally, and maybe that was why he was being more aggressive with Matty getting actual help; Adam didn't want to seep down to that kind of low that Matty constantly was at; the idea terrified him to death. He didn't want everything to go to shit just as things were becoming really great.

When Matty said they were just acquaintances, it initially stung. But when Adam looked into Matty's eyes, he saw obvious pain, and he knew very well that Matty was lying. But Matty wasn't lying about Adam being a dick, and Adam wanted to ask him what he could do to improve himself, or how to 'actually help' Matty. But before he could ask, Matty had stormed off. Adam tried to see where he went, but he was lost in the sea of people, and so Adam had to sit in his next classes, feeling terrible about whatever the hell he did to cause this.