Conor Maynard imagines

Suicide

A/n:this is a touchy subject, but if you've read my other books you'll know that suicide,depression and anxiety are all something that's close to my heart.so if you get affected by any of these things don't read this chapter:)) 

Conor's POV:

I was cleaning our her bedroom,with the help of her family.i can't believe it's already been a week.

A week since the love of my life killed herself.i still want to know why. I can't help but take the blame for it.

Did I do something wrong? Was I not there for her enough? Why didn't I notice something was up

I was in her bedroom with her mum, looking through her room to find anything we could,to find any memories we've shared.god I miss this girl.

"Do...do you think it's my fault" I ask my voice breaking

"What?" Her Mum y/m/n said looking at me

"Do you think I done something wrong, did I not help her?" I ask sitting on her bed

"Of course not Conor,it's no ones fault that she felt that way don't blame this on yourself" she said

"I just feel like I wasn't there for her.i was he boyfriend and I'm suppose to know when she's feeling sad or whatever but I didn't, I didn't think she felt....the way she did"

"None of us did Conor,she hid her feelings away she always has.and you done a lot for her you made her happy"

"Not happy enough" I sigh

Her mum sighed before standing back up and going through things,then the door went

"Two seconds" y/m/n said walking downstairs

I sighed as I looked around her room.i looked at her bedside table and saw a photo a photo collage of us together.

I loved those photos ,she looked so happy and so did I i.in one of the photos she was on my back, laughing as I pulled a funny face in the camera. in another I'm on her back, well kinda she really struggled with that

On the third photo were kissing.my arms tight around her waist. God how much I miss her kisses

And the very last one,my favourite one, I was holding her in my arms, her legs wrapped around my waist as she kissed me.

I can't even explain how much I love and miss this amazing beautiful girl, that I was lucky enough to call mine

I lifted the photo frame and put it in a box for me to take to my house with the boys.

I looked through her dressing table,and opened the drawer.the drawer she told no one to go in,but I have to.

I saw loads of photos of her and her friends and the one thing I never wanted to see. The blade.the blade that still had blood on it

I threw the blade across the room and slammed the bedside drawer and threw my head into my hands

"Why...why did this have to happen to me" I groan

"Conor,umm your friends have come to see you" y/m/n said walking into the room, and following behind her was all the boys "I'm just going to sort stuff out downstairs" she said before leaving