The Redemption of Severus Snape

Part 67

It was nearing lunch time when Severus heard light footfalls outside his study door. It had to be Lin, he knew her light step. He'd been expecting her. She didn't knock. But she was carrying a plate of food, and Severus hadn't expected that. Perhaps it was a farewell gift. She sat it on the tray containing the half-full plate she'd brought him for breakfast.

"You've come to tell me to leave, I expect."

"You're not strong enough for that. I have some things I need to say to you before you disappear on me."

"You don't need to tell me about the child. I'll support him and—"

"He's not 'the child'," snapped Lin. "He's your son, and he needs a father not a paycheck."

Severus continued where he'd left off as though Lindsay hadn't spoken. "...and I'll stay out of your way. You may raise him as you see fit."

"Well, that's the easy way out isn't it, Severus—no family ties, no obligations. You can just disappear into the darkness." Lindsay put her hands up. "Stop it! Just stop. I came in here because I have some things to say to you, and I'm not leaving until they're said."

"Go on. I'll not interrupt."

"You know that my parents were devout Christians. I don't share all of their beliefs, but I loved my family, and I respected them and their convictions. Knowing that my behavior with you would have shamed them is painful to me, but I did it because I love you and I truly believed that you loved me. I never asked you to commit to me because I knew the danger you were in. I'm hurt and angry that you betrayed my trust, but mostly I'm angry with myself for allowing you to do it."

"Are you finished?"

"Why, do you finally have something to say?"

"No, I have something to show you."

They moved to the pensieve again and Lin watched as Severus' memories replayed. She turned away when she saw Albus. "There's one more," said Severus. Lin tried to move past him, but Severus held her firmly. "Please, just one more." Lindsay sighed in irritation and nodded sharply. The scene with Albus floated away and another memory swirled into being.

..."Sev, open your eyes."

"Lily? Is it really you?"

"Of course it's me, silly," replied Lily as she took his hand and guided him to his feet. "It's so good to see you, Sev." Severus wrapped her in a crushing embrace. "Thank you, Sev, for protecting my Harry. I couldn't be more grateful."

"I'm so sorry, Lily." Lily released him and tried to step back.

"You don't belong here, Sev."

"No, Lily, please don't say that. Please let me stay with you."

"It's not your time, Sev. You have to let me go."

"No, Lily, no!" He reached for her. She smiled and reached out, her face beaming with love, but it wasn't him she was reaching for. A figure appeared next her; it was James Potter...

Lin was speechless as she pulled herself away from the pensieve.

Severus moved away to sit in his chair. "I love Lily. But she told me to go. She never wanted me; she never will."

"How could you use me like that, Severus?"

"I'm not the only guilty party here. I saved your life and that's the only reason you even noticed me."

"Gratitude only opened the door. It was all the beautiful things I saw inside you that made me want you." Severus harrumphed. "Why do you think I slept with you, Severus?"