The Redemption of Severus Snape

Part 77

Remus felt strange when he arrived home. He was excited, but he felt much more than that. He couldn't put into words exactly how he felt and, for a well-spoken man like himself, that was disconcerting in itself. He played with Teddy for a bit; somehow his child felt brand new to him. Remus brought Teddy into his study and set him in his swing, which he charmed to move slowly and rock Teddy to sleep. Remus didn't have much time to get his affairs in order before Tonks came home from work. He smiled as he watched Teddy's hair slowly changing colors, and his nose and ears changing shape while he slept. Remus had been away from his son for just a few days and already he'd learned something new. He felt a pain in his chest—a legitimate stabbing pain—as he thought about missing all the important milestones of Teddy's life. This could be the second time that Remus will lose his son, but at least Teddy would live on. He'll be resilient like his mother, and he'll find his own way in life.

Remus sat behind his desk and took out two rolls of parchment, which he sat side by side. He opened a jar of black ink and set two quills on the desk. He focused his concentration and wrote a lengthy letter to Tonks about how deeply sorry he was for leaving her, and how much he loved she and Teddy. On the second parchment, Remus wrote out his will, which was by far the easier of the two documents to write because he owned so little. Remus sealed the parchments with instruction as to their opening and use. He rose and looked over Teddy again while he collected his thoughts for his next set of writings. He really wanted to write these next missives by hand, but didn't have the time. He had to get these finished before Tonks came home.

Moving back to his desk, Remus sat and took out a single roll of parchment. He used both quills to write and controlled them with non-verbal magic. He wrote a letter to Teddy to be opened and read to him on his first birthday. Remus wrote sixteen more letters, all to be opened on Teddy's birthdays. He took a break only to feed and change Teddy. Tonks may not agree with his decision, but she'll respect his wishes when he's gone. Remus sat back and rubbed his temples after finishing the last letter. He hoped he covered everything Teddy would need to know. There was so much Remus wanted to say to Teddy, and there were so many things that a young wizard needed to understand about life.

Remus rose again to meet an owl tapping at his window; it had a letter from Lin. He knew it was from Lin before he touch it; it smelled of her gardenia perfume. She didn't purposely scent it. Remus' senses were heightened by the lycanthropy. This was a hefty letter written on light-blue Muggle stationary. Lin was loquacious, but her letters were normally short and to the point; the scientist in her dominated her writing style. Four pages of neat, beautiful, handwriting sat in Remus' hands. He knew what the letter said even before he opened it. Again, Lin pleaded with him to give Tonks a say. But Remus already knew what Tonks would say. She was happy to live her life around Remus' illness, to lose her freedom to it. But Tonks didn't have to live with the pain of the monthly changes or, even worse, the debilitating fear of hurting his family that clung to Remus like a persistent leech. He skimmed Lin's letter, folded it, and placed it on the desk. He quickly penned a reply and gave it to the owl waiting at the window.

Dear Lin,
Thank you for your concern. You're a true friend. But my decision is firm.
Remus

"Oh, you've finished that paper already?"

Remus wasn't surprised by Tonks' voice. His heightened senses made him aware of her presence long before she spoke. He could smell her perfume and heard the doorknob turn as she entered his study. "No, just a quick note to Lin."

Tonks leaned over Teddy and softly patted his chubby belly before answering her husband. "Did you forget something?" Tonk's cheerful voice was silenced the second she looked at Remus' face. Her concern showed immediately as her skin became sallow, and her hair darkened to a dull brown. Remus was acting cool and relaxed, but Tonks knew him too well to be fooled by his well-practiced charade. "What's wrong?"