The Redemption of Severus Snape

Part 68

Everyone had either gone home or gone to bed, but Harry didn't feel like sleeping. He didn't feel particularly sociable either. He roamed the gardens for a bit, until it started to rain. Then he started roaming the house, taking in all of its creaks and groans and odd noises. He hadn't noticed them the other times he'd stayed here, but those were happier times and his attention had been focused elsewhere. Finally, he found himself on the second floor.

He walked slowly along staring at the soft green lights mounted high on the walls that were just bright enough to see by. They had an oddly relaxing effect on him, and he stifled a yawn. He stopped to remove his glasses and rub his suddenly tired eyes when he noticed a bright sliver of light emanating from Lindsay and Snape's bedroom. The door was ajar. He moved quietly toward it with the intention of closing it, but he stopped when he heard Lindsay's voice. She was singing softly to Snape, something she did quite often. It sounded a bit like a lullaby.

Harry stifled a laugh and pushed the door open a crack expecting to see Snape's face looking sour and contemptuous, but he didn't look that way at all. He was clearly exhausted, which was only normal considering his injuries, but he also looked relaxed in way that Harry had never seen before. There was something else there too. Was it vulnerability? He sat on the large upholstered chest at the foot of their bed. He was barefoot. The black nightshirt contrasted sharply with the marble-white skin of his sunken chest. Snape stretched out his right leg, and he rubbed his hand briskly along his right thigh. It was clear that he was feeling some pain. Lindsay moved to the other side of the room and out of Harry's sight. Snape's eyes followed her. Harry could see the same intensity in Snape's features that he'd witnessed many times before when Snape watched Lindsay, only now the look was pure; it was no longer mingled with trepidation.

Lindsay moved back into Harry's view. She was now wearing a white silk dressing gown. She had a dark-blue bottle in her hand. Snape patted the spot next to him and leaned into Lindsay as she sat, shutting his weary black eyes as he rested his head on her shoulder. He gently pulled some of her hair down and was twirling it around his fingers. She caressed his back with her free hand.

"Potter came to my study."

"I knew there was more bothering you than just your leg," said Lindsay softly. "It didn't turn ugly, did it?"

"I didn't give it the chance to."

"Harry can be very understanding, Severus. If you would just give him a chance—"

"Potter represents everything I want to forget," answered Snape sharply. "That face! That arrogant smug face!"

"Are we talking about Harry or James?"

"What's the difference?" snapped Snape as he sat up. Lindsay let out a long-suffering sigh. Harry envied her patience. "You know what he would've done if I hadn't pushed him? He'd have coasted through his classes, doing just enough to pass, and he wouldn't have learned a thing. I had to look at that face every day—every single day—staring at me, flaunting his eyes at me like a trophy."

"Severus, you're rambling and you're making yourself angry. When you get angry you spend the night prowling the house, leaving me to sleep alone, and you know how much I hate to sleep alone."

"He is everything that I wanted and lost. He is what can never be. I'm sorry, I shouldn't talk about her."

"No, it's okay. Love can't be turned on and off like a tap, I understand that. But I won't take a back a seat to her, Severus."

"I don't expect that. Don't you see? That's why I don't want Potter here. As long as he's around there's a chance that I could lose again."

"Severus, you have to stop blaming Harry. He isn't like a cursed penny that keeps popping up and wreaking havoc. That's more Fred and George's territory. You're the only one that could push me away, and you haven't done a very good job of it so far."