Guys Our Age (Wattys2017) (UNDER CONSTRUCTION)

Chapter 34: 'Tis The Season To Feel Guilty (Hannah)

I was beyond pissed when Hailey and Mason didn't show.

We were leaving early, and the firework show had been our meeting place to say our goodbyes. Not even a text was sent to one of us about them not showing; any feeling I'd had of remorse over what I had said and done to Hailey vanished that night.

I sat there, my head tucked under Justin's arm and my hand squeezing my best friend's as we watched the sky light up, but there was no happiness and I sure as hell didn't feel the magic.

Now, sitting in the passenger's seat of Sophia's car, my mind refused to shut down and allow me to sleep and kept racing with thoughts and drifting back to my sister.

"Any ideas on what you're getting Mr. Whipped for Christmas this weekend?" Sophia asked from the driver's seat, making a gesture to my sleeping boyfriend in the back seat. "Or is it more of a personal, physical kind of present?"

In complete honesty, I had forgotten Christmas Eve was only two days away. The trip had been fun until earlier tonight, it had been a great experience. And with everything else running wild in my head, the thought of Christmas didn't seem to want to click.

"He got me pads for my birthday." I replied with a small smile, "I was thinking about a nice, perfectly wrapped box of condoms." Sophia threw her head back and laughed loud enough to stir Justin awake. Luckily, he seemed to be in a deep sleep.

"Honey, that's not a Christmas present just for him. It would be for you both." she responded,

"Haha, so funny." I mumbled dryly.

"Oh, come on, Han. You're going to have to give in eventually. You can't keep him waiting, it's been two years and he somehow hasn't pushed you into it." She was tapping the steering wheel, her eyes on the sky as the sun peeked over the mountains.

"Soph, I love you," I said quietly, "but I really don't think that's any of your business."

She almost looked offended for a second, but nodded a few minutes later and sent me a quick glance.

"You're right. It's not."

*

"So I was out Christmas shopping and I found this ugly sweater babe, and it totally reminded me of you." Justin threw my door open and walked in, holding a Sears back in one hand and a starbucks cup in the other. He set the cup in my hand with a quick peck on my lips before sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Gee, thanks, baby. You make me feel so loved." I said with a laugh, reaching for the bag. He waved his finger with a scolding look before pulling one of the sweaters out of the bag and holding it up so I could see it.

It was was a green and red sweater with a reindeer on it, a horribly knitted couple in front with the words "Reindear" in red and white letters across the top. I started laughing immediately and took it from him, shaking my head in amusement.

"This is so bad!" I exclaimed, slapping his arm, "Oh God, please don't tell me you got the same sweater. We are not going to be that couple."

"We are this Christmas." he smiled, "Two year anniversary, remember?"

"You're such a woman." I sighed, rubbing my forehead, "Like, you are quite possibly the only teenage guy to remember his two year anniversary."

"I try." he started to lean forward, but a throat being cleared in the doorway stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Where's your sister?" Dad questioned.

"Don't know." I took a sip of my Mocha, "Don't care."

"She's still with Mason back at the hotel. They stayed a while longer." Justin responded, reaching over to flick my shoulder.

"And you just left them there? The two of-"

"Whatever, Dad. If they're going to fuck, they're going to fuck, get over it." the words left my mouth before I could stop them, and somehow I knew it was because the bitterness was getting to me.

"Hannah Emily Jacobs! You watch your mouth, do you understand me?" Then Dad stalked off. I stared after him, feeling my eyes widening by the second.

"What?" Justin brushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes, "What's wrong?"

I stared at the empty doorway, my heart sinking in my chest, "My middle name isn't Emily."

*

I had just dozed off with Justin on the couch when the door opened and my sister walked in. Her head was bowed, hands gripping the Disneyland bag in her hands. She looked as if she had no interest in explaining why the hell it had taken her so long to get home.

"Hailey?" Justin's voice was barely above a whisper, it was clear that he still believed I was asleep.

"Hey." she waved shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Are you okay? It's late, it's-"

"Midnight, I know." Hailey cut him off with a small smile, "Sorry for waking you.. I'm exhausted, I think I'll head to bed.

"Wait." Justin choked out, "What the hell is going on between you and Hannah?"

I squeezed my eyes shut so I couldn't see her expression, my hand squeezing Justin's so he knew just how awake I was.

"I guess life is what's going on, Justin. Now that we're ready to move on, I guess we're starting to realize just how different we really are. I see the world for what it is, Hannah wants to see it for everything she wishes it could be."

*

I was the first up the next morning. I made sure to get everything done, including cooking breakfast, before I started to get ready to leave.

"Han, where are you going?" Justin asked from the couch, squinting across the room at me. I hesitated, my hand still on the knob as I stared at my boyfriend on the couch.

"Breakfast is made. I have a few errands to run. I'll see you in a couple hours." I opened the door and moved into the doorway, "I love you. Make sure Dad doesn't use the microwave, nothing good ever comes out of that.

*

The second I finished Christmas shopping and stepped into the old cafe a few blocks from the house, I felt as if every ounce of energy had been drained from my body.

I'd had four hours of sleep in the last day and a half, not to mention that my constantly racing mind added to the tiredness.

"Hello! I'm Myra and I'll be your waitress this morning. Can I get you anything to drink?" a bubbly dark haired girl appeared at the table, grinning ear to ear.

"I'm waiting for someone, but a water would be okay I guess." she nodded and headed off, tucking the pen behind her ear.

I kept my eyes trained on the door, my foot tapping anxiously under the table. I wanted to get up and run out of here as fast as I could, to run back home to my dad and Justin and tell them the mistake I had almost made.

But I couldn't. I had been mentally preparing myself for this day for two weeks, forcing myself to accept whatever crappy excuse or story I was going to hear.

"Hannah?" a quiet voice broke through my thoughts. I looked up slowly, terrified to see what I was going to find.

She looked a lot different from the woman that had sat at the kitchen table that night a month ago. Her blonde ringlets had been tied into a bun at the top of her head, her sea green eyes roaming my face as a smile made its way to her own. It wasn't a bitter one, or one begging for forgiveness. It was kind, soft, motherly. One of the smiles I had grown to love over the years and had hated remembering.

Once I cleared my throat, I outstretched my hand. She only stared blankly at it for a moment before pulling me into a tight hug. I collapsed in her familiar embrace.

"Mom." I laughed quietly, "I guess you have a lot of explaining to do."

***AN***

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