Thorns

chapter fourteen.

rose.

I rubbed my eyes more, the red rings refusing to leave. I had just humilated myself in front of Lucy and Zayn, more tears flowing.

"That's because- Daddy doesn't love me. He loves you."

My fingers were still trembling at my own words, the first time I was to admit that Zayn had actually moved on from me, even though we promised. Yet we made no commitment, just me stealing his stupid leather jacket. I scream, ripping the jacket off of me and throwing it to the ground. Fück Zayn and his money, fück Zayn and his stupid big toilet room. I fall against the wall, my back sliding down until I was slumped on the floor, crying while staring at the pathetic black material in front of me. Why her? Why Perrie? Why didn't he come back for me? I used to tell myself he was coming back to me, that we would live in a house in the city just like how we planned when we were teens, but I was finally catching up to the harsh reality.

Was I not pretty enough? Not rich enough? Not talented enough? I kick the material further away from me, my hands rubbing at my goose bumps on my pale arms. Did Carl even love me? When was the last time we made love, not fück. When was the last time we cuddled? When was the last time when he didn't hit me and make me feel pathetic. I poke at the huge bruise on my stomach, whimpering at the pain I received. Maybe I deserved to have Carl, maybe I didn't. I hit myself on the stomach in anger, screaming out in pain.

I hear frantic knocking on the door but I ignore it, letting myself crumble further onto the rich smelling toilet floor. What has happened to me? Since when did I ever cry more than once in a year? When did I run away and hide from my fears?

Since Carl.

I laughed bitterly to myself, wiping my eyes once more. Carl doesn't love me, he just needs a woman to make his food. He doesn't care for me. I'm nothing to him. He's turned me into something vulnerable and fragile, something that yearns company and protection. What had become of me?

"Rosie, Lucy's really worried."

"You don't have the right to call me that!" I scream, my voice breaking, just like my pathetic heart.

"Rose, please. She's crying."

"Is that all you care about? Lucy?" I realise my words then another strangled sob leaves me lips.

"Sorry, that was stupid, of course it's only Lucy. She's your daughter, I'm nothing."

"You are not nothing."

"To you I am!"

"Rose, if you don't come out, I'll come in."

I don't reply, holding my knees tight to my chest, head falling to them as I cried harder. I never asked for a life like this, but I guess karma is finally chasing up. I hear Zayn unlock the door outside, probably using a coin before he was in the room, the light blinding me as he shuts the door once more. He sits beside me, not speaking as I get used to the light, sniffling loudly.

"Are you okay?" He dares to ask.

I laugh. A laugh probably making me sound crazy, but I didn't care. He looks at me in bewilderment, letting me laugh a tad longer.

"You honestly have the nerve to ask if I'm okay after I cried my bloody eyes out?!"

"I don't know what to say, you never cry."

"I never used to cry Zayn, I cry fücking waterfalls now."

"Why? What happened?"

"You. You left me, you promised and you never came back. You got my hopes up, making me think we were having a fücking future together until I find out you're marrying the blonde bïtch!"

"She's not a bïtch." Zayn muttered. "And anyways, you have Carl." I laugh again, a dry, heartless laugh.

"Carl!? He goes out fücking every girl! He beats me to a pulp and the only money I get from him is the money paying for the roof on top of my fücking head!"

"H-he beats you?"

"Did you not see the bruise? Oh wait, of course you did, you pinned me down and looked, didn't you?!" I retort.

"Why are you still with him then?"

"Did you not hear me! He's keeping us sheltered! He's the only thing I have! My parents kicked me out once they found out I was pregnant, I moved to London in hopes to find you when I find Carl! Letting him trick me into thinking he loved me! I don't love him Zayn, I don't love him!" Tears started to trickle and it hurt to wipe them away, my eyes stung and my throat hurt. My rib felt horrible but I still pressed on it until I winced away.

"I'm sorry, I d-didn't know. I would've-"

"No, you wouldn't of. You're only reacting like this cos I'm sat here crying my fücking eyes out. You don't care, and I'm beginning to think if you ever loved me. Who would love me anyways? I'm a whore. I was pregnant at seventeen, do you know how life has been in the past four years? I've been eating one meal a day, I've had to work my ass off to raise Lucy, I need to provide her with any little money I have which leaves a few pennies for me! All whilst you're living the dream, living in your mansion with your cars and food and what not? I'm nothing! I have nothing, I feel nothing, and I deserve nothing!"

Zayn sat there speechless as I finish my rant, picking myself up from the ground and picking up the leather jacket.

"I would give you this back but it's the only thing I have." I spit, leaving the room.

zayn.

It hurt.

Knowing everything that has happened to my first love, knowing how much misery she's been living through while I won the world. I watch her leaving the toilet, finally realising that in fact, she did look unhealthy, the bags underneath her eyes, the sunken skin at her cheeks and her dull hazel eyes.

The thorn dug deeper; have I ever stopped loving her?

Did I actually think moving on would remove it? Why did I grieve over having thorns in my life, when I could've rejoiced for having Rose in my life? I should never think a rose was unlucky to have thorns, the thorns were lucky to have a rose.

Maybe I was the thorn, there was no thorn in my heart, maybe I was the one, lucky to have a rose. I run back, gripping Rose by her wrist, forcing her to spin around. Her gasp was cut short as my lips connected to hers. Her plump lips were soft, her hands moving automatically to my neck, the other getting lost in my hair. With anyone else I would've been annoyed, but this was Rose. She was different. She could shave half my head and I wouldn't realise. My lips move gently against hers, the movements were cautious, one bad move and I would've ruined everything. Our lips moulded together, even though her lips were chapped, she was still so perfect.

"Mummy? Daddy?" We release each other immediately, breathing deep as we look down at the startled toddler.

Oi Shannon are you still reading?

Oo plot twist :OOOOO

I swear I write thorns like super fast, maybe this book is going to turn out good.

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~ chamrock jack 🍀 xox