Thorns

chapter nineteen.

zayn.

I watch Lucy spooning the rest of the mash into her mouth before she raises the bowl to signal she had finished. She was soon running upstairs once again, going back to her drawing. I stab at my own food, forcing it into my mouth. The tour was starting in three weeks, and I had no idea what was to happen to Lucy. She had no idea what was going on, she stopped asking about Rose when I screamed at her and made her sit on the naughty step for an hour. She hasn't dared to utter the word "mummy" anymore.

I finally throw all my food away, putting it all in the overflowing sink and reminding myself to shove it in the dish washer or do it myself, later. I climb up the stairs, using the banister to haul myself up, going into my room and throwing myself on the bed. When was the last time I even spoke to one of the boys? Are they doing stuff without me? Nah. I force myself to sit up, knowing I wouldn't get any sleep.

I didn't know why I was reacting like this. Rose wasn't my friend, she wasn't my girlfriend and she most definitely wasn't my fiancé. She was just the girl who I left behind, but now she had left Lucy behind. I check the time to see it was 4:46PM. I had fourteen minutes until Lucy was to have a bath, then she would go back to her colouring and shit. She still hadn't mastered going to the toilet yet, being a four year old and all and she still doesn't go to school. She would cry in the middle of the night, waking me up and whimpering that she had had an accident.

Her birthday was in three weeks, when we're in fücking France. How the hell was that going to work. How is she going to celebrate her fifth birthday in France. She doesn't even have a flipping passport. Shït.

"Lucy." She physically jumps, turning around with wide eyes.

"We're going out, now. You need a passport." She doesn't move, causing me to cuss under my breath, walking over and lifting her so she was standing, grabbing her wrist and tugging her downstairs.

"I not gone out in ages." She tells me as I slip on her shoes.

"I know, we just need to get you a passport, have you been on an aeroplane before?" Of course not Zayn, what the fück.

-*-

"I ug-ly." Lucy stated, staring at her passport picture.

"Nonsense, you're beautiful." Just like your mother.

"I not want this." She tells me, pushing the passport book away.

"What's wrong with it?" I ask, trying to sound like I cared. Everything felt so mundane lately, I couldn't find my happiness.

"My hair." She points, grabbing at her own.

"I need mummy cut it." She suddenly gasped, looking up at me whilst covering her mouth.

"I sorry daddy!"

"Lets go home." I tell her coldly, shoving the book into my back pocket and making my way to the car.

-*-

"Good night daddy. I love you." Lucy tells me quietly, pressing her lips to mine.

"Night." I tell her, shutting the door. I hear her clamber out the bed, switching on her lamp which I had forgotten to switch on... again.

I go I to my room, texting Perrie and asking about her tour before finally getting into bed. Everyday felt the same, I didn't like it, yet there wasn't much I could do about it.

rose.

I whimper once more as Carl finally reached his high, falling beside me his clammy, nude body squishing against mine. I cringed.