Thorns

chapter forty.

rose.

~*~

"Zayn has moved on from you, he doesn't like you anymore, he's going to be married to me." I stare at the rock that weighed down Perrie's finger as she uses her hand to gracefully flick back her hair.

"I know, he loves you." I tell her, my fingers turned into jelly as my knuckles cracked releasing searing pain through my nerves.

"Your hands are so gross, you really need to invest in some Bio-Oil, you know, when you get some money." 

I find myself feeling more insecure as I cover my black-blue hands underneath the cover.

"Never expect a ring on those damaged paws." 

"You promise me, you won't make a move on Zayn and you won't let him make a move on you and maybe I'll stop blaming everything on Lucy."

I knew it was her. I knew she had been bullying my little girl...

"Deal, whatever. I never loved him anyways." I don't believe my own words as I watch her leave the room, my tears spilling over for the third time that day...

~*~

zayn. 

I wanted to touch her so badly, to feel the beat of her heart, to know it was still mine, that this is still the same Rose. I knew deep inside of me, a thorn was deeply embedded within the muslce of my heart, there was no going back. I couldn't go back in time and support Rose throughout the pregnanct, I couldn't go back in time and make sure I kept my promise, I couldn't stop her from being abused, I couldn't do anything. I lay down beside her, wanting nothing but to hold her.

"Zayn- this is wrong. Perrie- I'm no good for you. Perrie is the one you want. I'm nothing compared to her." She whimpered, the hurt in her eye clear, opaque and stoic clouds no longer shadowing her feelings towards me. I could read her like a book, everything was so different now. 

"You're lying." She looked shocked, her eyes widening as she stared at me. She was trying to push me away, and it hurt. I knew I was wrong for saying I loved Perrie, I knew I was wrong for not loving Rose. 

I wrap my arm around her, resting my hand on her chest. I could feel her heart beat race and I knew I could feel it too. Her breathing was unsteady as she shifted slightly in attempt to relieve pain from her ribs.

"You still love me." I breathe out, watching her eyes cloud over once more with emotion. She turns round slowly, taking my hand from her chest and playing with the man-engagement ring Perrie persuaded me to wear.

"I can't do what Perrie does. I can't snap my fingers and have a new outfit, I can't give you anything like that, not now-ever."

"You think I care about the image we have? I have enough money to support both you and Luce; haven't you wanted this in a while?"

"I have, you know I've always l-loved you, but I'm wrong for you. You and Perrie are perfect for each other, you're both talented, you've got money, the fame..."

"So...?" I ask rhetorically. Why should I care? Who cared what Perrie could give me? There was a vast contrast between what you love in the materialistic world and what you love in the spiritual world. Physical things are meaningless and you don't cherish them forever like how  you do with people.

rose.

I finally turn to face him in surprise, and I suddenly find him kissing me with his soft lips, fast and full. I hesitated, my mind struggling to focus from the promise I made with Perrie, yet as Zayn's arms wrapped around my body delicately, squeezing my hip bones encouragingly, I could not fight back. My fingers tangled in his hair, smoothing over the rough shaved sides and playing with the elastic that held his hair together. "Never expect a ring on those damaged paws." My hands slowly fall to my side until Zayn groans, his fingers taking mine and guiding them back through his hair. I find my fingers shaking as they undo the small elastic, letting his hair loose and giving me more hair to tug, to twirl around my wounded fingers. I held shakily, like a frail leaf that had fallen at the very start of winter. But the kiss was the final impact and I gave in finally, my lips moving quickly against his as we breathed together. 

"I've been wanting this for so long." I whimper, fingers quivering as they brush away Zayn's hair.

I feel my body tense as I hear noice- Perrie was awake. I begin to panic, no no no no, we didn't do this, we did not do this. Zayn lifts me up, bringing me back to my room where I am pressed against the smooth wallpaper of the hotel.

"Better?" He raises his brows, tongue swiping across his bottom lip.

I don't find the words to speak as Zayn's rough finger tips glide down my waist, reaching at my back and tugging the zip of my top.  The zip is tugged until my shirt fell below the dip of my collarbones, Zayn's mouth latching onto them and leaving brusies along them. 

"Z-Zayn..." My hands roamed his chest until they rested high up on his thigh. His body pressed against me harder, a grunt escaping his lips when we parted to breathe. 

I wanted to stamp my body upon his forever, for him to feel the imprint of me. I suddenly felt unbearably desperate to touch him with my hands, my being, my everything. Zayn lowered me onto the bed as I watched him through my long lashes, watching his figure as he threw his shirt over his head and onto the floor. He lowered himself on top of my, my fingers immediately exploring his back muscles as they tensed and relaxed, fingers tracing over intricate ink patterns. His breath was ragged and uneven against my neck, his pants puffed out along my neck line, lashes ticking my jaw line. I had to remind myself to breathe, not remembering this feeling, it was too long ago. 

He untucked my shirt from my leggings, rough fingers travelled the span of my stomach gently, his face burying deeper in my neck as he hummed in pleasure. I gasped, the tiny jolt of pain reminded me, I made a promise. I couldn't- I can't- 

"Zayn?" 

Zayn gasped also, as we pulled apart.

"Quick." I urge him, watching his fingers comb through his hair as he grabbed his shirt from the ground. 

"Perrie? I'm-um in the bathroom!" He flees suddenly, my eyes trailing down to look at my damaged fingers... they seemed to be similar to my damaged soul.

I see Zayn comb his hair back once more, seeming to forget the elastic that was on my beside table. Zayn exits my room quickly without a second glance, the door swinging shut. I hear them talk and I find myself wanting the bed to swallow me whole as my fingertips grazed across the bruises along my collarbones. The door opens once more, my eyes immediately darting towards the door.

"Mummy?"

I don't know if I felt relieved that it wasn't Perrie, or annoyed that it wasn't Zayn...

a/n

idk about you, but this was pretty intense 

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sorry again for the slow updates ._.

~ chamrock jack xox