Thirsty

Park Jimin

It takes me exactly two seconds to remember where I am and what happened last night. Oh my god...last night was...the best moment of my life. Flashes keep replaying and I have to say that no matter what happens in the future I refuse to regret giving Yoongi my virginity. And honestly-I don't think the bites he gave me had much to do with it.
I just wanted him. I just wanted him to want me back. I'm not stupid, I know there's no way he can feel the way I'm starting to about him-compulsion be damned. Maybe it is because of what I read in that book. Maybe I am drawn to him. I don't care. I'm addicted. I need him.
I peak over to see him still sleeping with me locked in his arms. I don't care if everyone's scared of him and think he's a monster. I don't care if he is a monster. He's my monster. I know as soon as he wakes up he's going to regret being with me and probably will want nothing to do with me but...it won't change a thing. I love him.
I can admit it to myself here and now after the aftermath of my loss of innocence. Sighing, I try to untangle myself from his arms but he just tightens his grip. I shift my body and wince when I feel intense pain in my ass. It hurts quite a lot but was totally worth it.
Just when I give up on trying to escape his hold someone knocks on the door loudly. His eyes snap open and he yawns, stretching. His eyes meet mine and he jerks back, obviously surprised to see me. "Jimin?" He asks. I just look at him until he remembers. His eyes widen when it finally comes to him and I smile behind my pillow.
The knock sounds again. "Yoongi-ah! Get up! You're gonna be late for class!" The voice yells.
He groans and rolls over. "I'm getting up, Seokjin, leave me alone!" He grumbles. I sit wrapped in his blankets while he gets up and disappears into the bathroom. I hear the shower come on and lay back, sighing. He completely ignored me like I knew he would but still...it hurts. Didn't last night mean anything to him? I know he obviously was not a virgin but still.
I decide not to wait for him to kick me out and get up-slowly-to grab my clothes. I pull on my grey sweats-much to body's protest-from the night before but can't find my shirt anywhere. After debating for a couple minutes, I shrug and steal one of Yoongi's black shirts. I search for my shoes, slipping them on.
I limp to the door and peak out to make sure no one is around before slipping out of the room and walking as fast as I can down the hall to my own. Tae is already gone when I enter so I allow myself a deep breath before throwing myself on my bed. I really don't want to go to my classes.
I'm not ready to see Hobi and I'm scared to see Yoongi. A serious predicament considering I have them both my first class. I decide to suck it up, though, and change quickly into a pair of medium washes ripped jeans but keep Yoongi's shirt on. I slip on my silver goodluck necklace that I've been neglecting and fix my hair a little more presentably.

If I'm being honest with myself, I'm trying to impress Yoongi. Stupid considering he's already seen me fully naked and bared but still. I'm just hoping he'll do a double take at me-just a little one. I don't want to be forgotten so easily.
I grab my book bag and head to my first class just in time for the bell to ring. I sit in my spot beside Hoseok and his jaw just about drops when he sees me. I can also see guilt as well as I slip into my seat. I can tell he wants to talk but just as he opens his mouth, the teacher comes in.
Yoongi isn't present for some reason and I can't say I'm not disappointed. I slump in my seat as Tae winks at me from beside Hobi. I roll my eyes but smile at him all the same. I truly wish I could open up and talk to Tae like a real best friend but I can't.
I have no one to talk to about Yoongi and I can't be honest about what happened with Hobi either. It's so frustrating. I learn absolutely nothing in class as I sit, arms crossed, lost in my thoughts. I'm so preoccupied I miss the bell ringing and stand when almost everyone is gone.
Tae, Hobi, and Kookie hang back and wait for me as I quickly gather my things.
"You ok, Jiminie?" Tae asks, putting his arm around my shoulders.
I smile at him. "I'm fine, Tae. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I admit, blushing. He smiles broadly and ushers me to our next class. I can't help but wonder where Yoongi is. He was fine and getting ready for class when I left his room...
        I try to pay attention to Tae and Kookie laughing and talking but I just can't. Just when I'm about to give up on seeing him, he comes walking down the hallway, everyone moving out of way as he ignores us-ignores me. It hurts a lot but I force my smile to stay put and my eyes not to follow him.
       I don't take a breath, though, until he's out of view. When I look up I see Hobi eyeing me with concern. I feel numb as Kookie and Tae lead me into our next class.  Why can he just acknowledge me a little? Is it so bad to hope for one little look? Not even noticeable to anyone else...just something?

        As lunch time rolls around everyone disperses as I slowly creep away from them to go to my room. As I climb the stairs to the dorms I feel someone behind me. I look over my shoulder to see a nervous looking Hobi. I sigh and give him a small smile. His expression changes to relief as he follows me to my room.
        I open the door and sit down, eyeing my tray of food. I'm not really hungry but I know I need to eat. I nab a carrot and munch on it while Hobi paces back and forth. "Jiminie...I'm so sorry.." he begins.
         "It's ok-"
         "No, it's not! I hurt you after promising I wouldn't! I don't care if you're a human, I like you no matter what." He pauses and sits down beside me, grabbing my hand and squeezing. "Jimin, I know you like Yoongi but...I can treat you so much better. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. I'd never tell your secret no matter what -and without blackmailing you, please trust me." He begs.
I take in his words and I have to admit a part of me wants to give him a chance but the other part-much bigger part-says that I belong to Yoongi and no one else. Even if he leaves me behind, I'm still his.
"I do trust you, hyung. Thank you for making sure I got help last night. You're a really good friend. I want to give you a chance, I really do, but I just don't feel that way about you. I'm really sorry." I admit, not meeting his eyes.
He sighs and nods slowly. "Will you promise me something?" He asks, voice sad. I feel horrible but I had to be honest with him.
"Yes." I whisper. He pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight. I allow myself to hug him back. We stay like this for several moments without speaking.
"If Yoongi hurts you-physically or mentally-will you come to me? I still want to take care of you even if it's just as a friend. I want to be your best friend. I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. Always." He leans back and wipes a tear from my eye. I hadn't even realized I was crying.
Sniffling, I nod. "Ok."
Giving me his signature sunny smile he pats my head. "I know he hurt you today when he ignored you. Wanna talk about it?" He asks as he lays back comfortably on my bed.
I eat a few more bites of my pasta as I debate about whether to tell him about last night or not. He's obviously very smart and knows how I feel about Yoongi but I don't want to hurt him by telling him what we've done. Friend or not, he still has feelings for me.
"I j-just don't understand why he ignored me like that. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, though, right? Yoongi is still Yoongi." I scoff.
"Did something happens between you two last night?" He asks hesitantly. If you mean 'something' like life altering, world shattering...then yes. I can't tell him that, though.
I shrug, trying to play off indifference. He doesn't buy it.
"It's ok, Jiminie, you can tell me. You two had sex, right?" He asks, deadpan.
My eyes widen in surprise. "W-what? Why would you-"
"Because I know Yoongi. I've known him for many years now and I hate to tell you this but he's done this a lot. You may be his first human but not his first lover-or more like, one night stand. He's far for innocent."
He sighs sadly. "I hate seeing you hurt, Jiminie. I wish you'd give me a chance to show you how you deserve to be treated. He'll never treat you like a boyfriend-or hell, even like a person, not just because you're human but it's just how he is. He doesn't see people."
I stay silent as tears threaten to fall. I'm mad because he's right. I know he's right. But I can't stop my heart for hurting for him.
"Maybe you've caught his attention for a moment but you have to understand. He's not like the rest of us. He loves to play with people. Everyone here is just a game to him, even his own brothers know he's different. There's a reason everyone is scared of him and you should be, too." He wipes my cheek once more and hugs my shoulders, comfortingly.
I break. I can't help it. I sob again t his chest and he lets me get it all out without judgement or comment. I wish he was wrong but he's not. Yoongi is unlike anyone-human or vampire-he's in his own league and it's not a good one. I've fallen in his trap but there's no getting out of it. Ever.
Just like he told me last night, there's no going back. I'm lost and have no choice but to follow behind him as he leads me down to his level. I'm terrified but it's like being trapped in a burning building-you can either burn or jump out the window and I'm stuck on the top floor. I'm going to die either way it's just a formality at this point of how.
I can either be destroyed by Yoongi's hand or my own. And what scares me the most is that I want to stay and burn. Watch as those blue flames lick there way up my body until I'm nothing but ashes before him. He's got me and whether he realizes it or not, he decides my fate. There's no releasing me and going back to nothing. I'm too far gone for that now.