Why ~Zach Herron~

2

Zach's P. O. V. *warning- self harm*

"I'll see you tomorrow, babe?"

"Yeah, tomorrow," I said sighing. I walked out of the front door and out to my car.

I drove home regretting everything that I had done, just like every other night. I hated that I was just using Zoey to try and get over Iris. It wasn't even working. Everything reminded me of Iris.

It was about midnight when I got home. The guys gave me their usual disappointed looks as I walked up to my room. They've all had talks with me about how I shouldn't be doing this and I'm just hurting myself, but I can't stop. I can't stop thinking about her.

I went to my room and looked through my social medias, as usual. It's been like two months, and fans are still talking about Iris and I. I ended up stalking some of Iris's pages.

She seems so much happier without me. She's released a whole album and signed a deal for a movie. She also made some new friends, and in every picture she had the biggest and realest smile I've ever seen.

I threw my phone on the bed next to me when I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.

I missed her. I missed coming home to her in bed. I missed being able to hold her hand, or cuddle her at any time. I missed her smile, and how I made her laugh. I missed the feeling of her lips on mine. I missed everything about her. And it's all my fault she's gone.

Jack says that I'm wrong, but he's just trying to make me feel better. Before we left for our trip, I got mad at Iris. I don't even remember what it was about, but I remember telling her that I needed a break from her and that she should stay home. She was planning on going with us, but I told her to stay and told the guys it was because she wasn't feeling well.

I regret it so much, but there's nothing I can do about it. I went into my bathroom and grabbed the blade that had slit my wrist every time I came home from Zoey's.

I looked at myself in the mirror. What a mess. My eyes were permanently puffy from the lack of sleep, and all the crying. I had gotten skinnier. I rarely ate because I didn't deserve it. I scoffed at how pathetic and stupid I was. I wiped my tears so my vision wouldn't be so blurry, then slid the blade across my wrist twice. I now had eight cuts.

Zoey didn't care enough to notice all my scars, she just cared about the sex. She never once asked me any question other then if I had a condom.

I sat on the floor of the bathroom and cried some more. I covered my mouth to keep from being too loud. I didn't want the guys to know. They're already mad enough. Once I calmed down a bit, I cleaned up the blood before going back to bed.

I fell asleep, but woke up after I had relived the day that she broke up with me in my nightmare. I checked the time, finding that it was two thirty.

I sat there and cried again, for about half an hour. I stopped when I heard doors closing and Jack's voice on the phone.

"I'm on my way," he said before opening the door. I fell back, pretending to be asleep. I had one eye open and I saw that he walked over to my desk, grabbed something, and then left.

I didn't know what it was, but I didn't really care enough about that. I was too busy thinking about how he was going to see Iris. I could just tell by the urgency, and the fact that he wouldn't answer anyone else's calls at three in the morning.

I wished that I had someone like Jack to comfort me, then I decided on calling my mom. She always knew what to say.

"Zach, it's five in the morning. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not mom. My heart is broken," I said blankly.

"I'm sorry sweetie."

"I just wish I could go back in time and fix everything."

"You can't go back in time, but it's never too late go fix things."

"How can I fix things? She's happier without me, and she thinks I'm happier without her because I'm an idiot and I make too many mistakes."

"You just have to have faith. Do you love her?"

"With all of my heart."

"Then go get her."

"It's been two months. I'm too late, she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"I'm not gonna try to tell you what to do. Especially if you keep making up excuses. Just do what you want, Zach."

I was surprised by what she said, but she was right. I had probably called her almost every night since we broke up, and every night it was basically the same thing. I'd tell her I was upset, she'd tell me to go get Iris, and I'd give her an excuse as to why I couldn't.

I can't just go make a fool of myself in front of her. It'll make my heartbreak worse.

Iris's P. O. V

"Iris, I have to go back home."

"Okay," I sighed. "Thanks for staying the night."

"No problem. Before I go, I found this song journal at the house. It's yours."

"Bu-" He had already closed my door.

I opened the journal and flipped through the pages. This wasn't mine. I had mine on my desk.

The journal was mostly empty, but there was one song written at the very back.

It was titled 'Why' and by the handwriting, I could tell it was Zach's. (Pretend he didn't write this song before the band was a thing)

"I can't stop
Thinkin' 'bout you
I'm missing you and me
We used to be
I remember what you said
Trying to get that out of my head
And I never thought that
I would make it through

And I've been trying, trying, baby
I've been trying to understand
Where did this get so out of hand?
I've been trying, trying, baby
I wish I knew the truth
Maybe it was me or maybe it was you

Where did you go? I need to know
Tonight, tonight
Just tell me why, I gotta make things right
Tonight, tonight

I'm tryna be strong
What's taking so long
I gotta know how to right these wrongs
And if it's all the same
I can take the blame
So we can start playing this game

And I've been trying, trying, baby
I've been trying to understand
Where did this get so out of hand?
I've been trying, trying, baby
I wish I knew the truth
Maybe it was me or maybe it was you

Where did you go? I need to know
Tonight, tonight
Just tell me why, I gotta make things right
Tonight, tonight

I take back what I said, I take back what I did
I've never meant to hurt you and I'm sorry what I did
I take back what I said, I take back what I did
I'd never meant to hurt you, can we start again?
I take back what I said, I take back what I did
I've never meant to hurt you, and I'm sorry what I did
I take back what I said, I take back what I did
I'd never meant to hurt you, can we start again?

Where did you go? I need to know
Tonight, tonight
Just tell me why, I gotta make things right
Tonight, tonight"

I reread the lyrics multiple times. I didn't stop until I saw tear drops drip onto the page. I wiped them away and then collected my thoughts.

He thinks it's his fault. He's not happy with that girl, Jack was right she's just a rebound. I'm such an idiot. I need to forget about the fans and worry about Zach and I. I need to go back to him. I need him and he needs me. I love him.

*****

A/n

Crying while writing this, anyone else? I hope you liked it. Vote and comment!!