"So, I thought it would be a good idea for me to talk to bring you in along with your mother. Are you comfortable?"Dr. Williams took out her clipboard and pen.
Amari nodded her head and crossed her legs. "You and your mother are close now, right?"Dr.Williams pushed her glasses up.
"Yes, we are. We've gotten very close."Amari responded with a smile.
"So, why now. You're 21 years old, why did you wait so late."Dr.Williams asked.
"I wasn't really able to form my own opinions of her. All I remember was her being there then not being there. I didn't really quite understand everything that was going on. Being on the outside looking in, it just seemed to me like she didn't want us anymore."Amari sighed.
"So when you say that you weren't able to form your own opinions, do you mean that somebody else was giving you an opinion of her?"Dr.Williams asked.
"Yes. My grandmother, Katherine. She would tell me that she wasn't going to back and that she had a problem. She also told me that she didn't want us anymore because my daddy was gone and I believed her because I wasn't seeing her. All of sudden she was just gone, I remember being at my granny's house wondering when she was coming and and she never came."Amari's voice cracked and Damita held her hand. This was her first speaking about this.
"I remember saying I wanted to stay there Christmas night. We we're supposed to go home the next day, but New Years came then next thing I knew it was my birthday and she wasn't there. So it wasn't like I only lost my dad, I felt like I lost her too."Amari sniffled and Dr.Williams passed her a box of tissue.
"Do remember visiting her at all?"Dr.Williams asked.
"Vaguely. I only remember the first time and I was very scared. She looked so different, she wasn't the person I used to see and I didn't know how to handle her. So after that, I just didn't come anymore."Amari wiped her eyes.
"Damita, how does that make you feel?"Dr.Williams asked.
"It makes me feel bad, because I can't get that time back. I know that I've missed out on a lot of important moments in my Children's lives, but I can't control that. It was not my choice to leave them, if I could go back and change I would but I can't."Damita cried.
"Amari, if you knew then what you knew now do you think that you would've acted differently towards your mother?"Dr.Williams asked.
"I think I would have been a bit more understanding and I wouldn't have held that grudge against her for so long. I hate that I did that because of the way we are now. There are so many things that I wish I could've talked to her about. Certain things my granny just couldn't understand and I think it would've been better if I had gotten closer to her sooner."Amari wiped her eyes.
"When your mother came back for you, why didn't you go?"Dr.Williams asked.
"I didn't feel like I knew her anymore. I hadn't gotten comfortable not knowing. I guess I felt like not knowing was better than the truth."Amari shrugged.
"Damita how did you feel when Amari had said that she didn't want to come with you?"Dr.Williams.
"It hurt my feelings because I felt like a bad mother. I felt like I failed as a parent because from the moment I found out that I was pregnant with her I said that I wanted to be there for her because my parents weren't there for me and I wasn't. I wasn't there for her like I should've been. So that's why I made sure things were different with Amaru and Aaliyah, I'm all they know."
"Amari, do you feel like she's here for you now?"Dr.Williams asked.
"Yes! She's definitely here for me now. I know that if I need her she will be here and I know she loves me. She's been here for me all my life and I just didn't know. I didn't appreciate and I'm happy that we're close now."Amari smiled and looked at her mother.
"Now that you two have to let go of the past. It's time to focus on the future. You have each other now, that's the important thing. Damita, how do you feel about your daughter now?"Dr.Williams asked.
"I'm very proud of her and I'm very proud of our relationship. We have the relationship that I wish I could've had with Katherine. She's comfortable enough to talk to me about anything and I think that's how it should be."Damita smiled. "Although I don't always agree with all the things she chooses to do, I've learned to just let her make her own mistakes. She's an adult, I can't tell her what to do. I can only shed light on the situation and let her make her own decisions."
"She definitely doesn't tell me what to do, but sometimes she'll make rethink my whole decision. My mother is very wise and she's given me some great advice in such a short time. I can honestly say that we're in a great place."Amari smiled.
"Now, Damita since you and Amari are doing so well, I think that you should try to hash some things out with your own mother."Dr.Williams replied.
"Excuse my French Dr.Williams, but fuck no. Katherine is a sick individual and I choose not to have her in my life because of all the pain she's caused my husband and I. Katherine and I's relationship is totally different. My mindset towards her is fuck her. I haven't done anything to harm Amari or mess up her life. Katherine has tried to ruin my life and my husband's life as well. Not only that, she tried to keep me from seeing my own damn children and took my husband away from me. That Bitch is dead to me and I refuse to speak to her. Joseph can kiss my ass too, I'm sure he was aware of all the sick twisted bullshit she was setting up."Damita rolled her neck. "Before you start all that talk about forgiveness, I have forgiven her. I'd just rather not deal with her or her husband. If my kids want to see her, they can. I will not interact with her and she is not welcomed in my home."
"Alright. I get it. I get it."Dr.Williams laughed and so did Amari.
"Ok, well that's the end of our visit. Damita your prescriptions have been refilled. And PLEASE get both of them, not just the weed. I got you that card because you promised you'd get your other medicine too."Dr.Williams coached and Damita rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Yeah , Yeah Ima Get it."
Damita grabbed her purse and started to walk out.
"You have a medicinal weed card?"Amari asked with widened eyes. "I swear I learn something new about you everyday."
"Yeah, I've had it for awhile. Before it was legalized for other uses. Dr.Williams was afraid that if I went to another doctor they'd try to report me or something so she helped me get the card. She vouched that it helps my condition and it does."Damita shrugged and pushed the door open. They walked out to her car and climbed in.
Before driving off, Damita checked her phone because she always left it in the car when she was in therapy. She had several missed calls from her husband.
She unlocked her phone and called her husband back.
"Yes, daddy?"She smiled as he answered the phone.
"Where are you?"Amaru asked.
"I'm leaving Dr.Williams's Office. You know I don't take my phone in there. What's wrong?"Damita turned her Bluetooth on and started her car.
"Nothing. I have something to tell you."Amaru replied excitedly.
"What is it daddy? I'm on my way home."Damita backed out of the parking spot and started to drive down the street.
"It can wait until you get here. I gotta see your face when I tell you. I can't say it over the phone."Amaru replied, she could hear in his voice that he was happy and she wanted to know why.
"Ok. I'm coming, do we need anything while I'm out?"She asked.
"Nah man! Just come home." Amaru playfully rolled his eyes and hung up the phone.
