"So, how do you feel?"Dr.Williams asked as Damita sat there in silence. She didn't usually make house calls, but when Amaru called her because he was worried about Damita she had to show up. Damita still hadn't shown any emotion, it was like it didn't happen.
Damita didn't even look disheveled, or as if she had been crying. Her skin was clear and glowing like usual. Her hair was straightened and it laid just above her shoulders. She had on a pink silk night dress that was covered by a long black robe.
"About what?"Damita asked blowing smoke from her nose. "You're not bothered by the smoke are you?"
"Not at all. This is your house, smoke if you please."Dr.Williams chuckled. "I'm asking you how feel about your mother's passing."
"Oh. Yeah, she passed Monday."Damita crossed one of her legs over the other and started to hit her blunt.
"You aren't sad?"Dr.Williams raised her eyebrows.
Damita shrugged and dropped ashes in her ash tray."Honestly, I don't know how I feel. I'm not happy and I'm not sad."She stuck her blunt back in her mouth.
"What about your sisters, how do they feel?"Dr.Williams asked.
"I don't know. I haven't spoken to them, but I'm sure they're all broken up about it. I mean she actually liked them so their feelings will be different from mine."Damita replied nonchalantly and put her blunt out. "I'll see them soon though."
"Where will you see them at?"Dr.Williams asked, writing on her clipboard.
"At the will reading, it's in about an hour. I don't even think she left me anything, but you know....I have to go."Damita shrugged and pushed her hair out of her face. "I'm glad you came to check on me, but I'm okay. I have to get ready to go soon."Damita got up from her couch and started to walk up her stairs, making her robe fly behind her.
Amaru met Dr.Williams at the end of the stairs and she just started shaking her head. "I wasn't able to get through to her today. I'll be back after the will reading. Until then make sure she takes her medicine."Dr.Williams shrugged and Amaru let her out. He walked up the stairs and embraced his wife.
"Baby. Talk to me, you're scaring me."Amaru sighed and rubbed her back.
"I feel bad that I don't feel anything. It's like I'm numb. I don't know what to say about it. Of course I had a little love for her, but I just don't feel it right now."Damita laid her head on his shoulder.
"Everybody grieves Different. Just because you don't feel it right now doesn't mean that you don't care. I just don't want you to shut down. I got you baby, you can talk to me."He kissed her forehead. "Just calm down, my love."
"I'm not going to shut down. Usually I'm burying my emotions because I don't want to talk about it. This time I'm ready to be open and vulnerable. I'm ready to share my emotions and talk to you, but I can't because I don't feel anything."Damita sighed and wrapped her arms around him.
"You can't rush your emotions baby. You have to give yourself time. Just like you have to give yourself time to heal from losing our child, you have to give yourself time to deal with this too."He kissed her hands and she started to smile. "Now come on and get dressed."
She didn't move yet, she just sat there and smiled at him. "What?"He asked.
"Nothing."She continued smiling and got up. She walked to her closet and started looking for something to wear.
"Are you ready for this?"Amaru stood against the wall, looking at her.
"As ready as I'm going to get. I mean I'm sure she left me nothing, she doesn't like me that much."Damita pulled her robe off her shoulders and handed it to Amaru. He put it back where she usually hangs it up.
