DEH Oneshots/drabbles/shitposts

Breathless (Treebros)

I'm in a fluff mood.

Tw: Drug references, self deprecating thoughts.

—

It all started with a feeling.

A feeling of helplessness, directly followed by a feeling of nothing but love and adoration. It took him by surprise, quite suddenly. Connor nearly felt sick when he first laid his eyes upon Evan Hansen. He left him so breathless, and he wasn't sure hat the feeling was at first. Connor first thought he was jealous of Evan's looks, his personality, his talents. Connor was sucked into a feeling of more than just jealousy. It was more than just wanting to be Evan. He then thought it was anger. Connor thought he was angry at Evan, but Connor was angry at almost everyone, so it didn't make any sense that Evan stood out like a freaking glitter in a bowl of mud. Connor didn't know what it was. He didn't want to hate Evan, and he didn't want to be Evan. So what did he want?

He wanted Evan.

Evan Hansen was the new kid, who began attending school with Connor at the very beginning of the semester. Evan strolled into Connor's world history class, and he was forced to sit next to Connor. Connor didn't like it one bit, because the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen was sitting next to him, when his hair was disheveled, and he smelled of marijuana and cologne. Connor hadn't showered in days, hoping that his heavily body-sprayed hoodie would give no indication of the fact that the only reason Connor's hair didn't look too greasy was because he used dry shampoo.

But it was two weeks into Evan's existence in Connor's life, and Connor was staring him up and down, silently begging their teacher to change the partner arrangement. He and Evan were to do a project on World War One.

Well, fuck. World War One was like a damn game of laser tag compared to the war of emotions going on in Connor's brain. He had mentally beaten himself black and blue, hating the fact that even looking at this beautiful boy sent shivers of fear down Connor's spine. Evan's eyes were so chilling it froze him. He let out a nervous whimper, right before Evan asked him, "So, if it was Austria-Hungary at the time, then would their citizens be the Austrian-Hungarians or the Austria-Hungarians?"

Connor met that same gaze once again, sighing his nails into the palm of his hand as his gaze traveled down to Evan's arm, where a pretty little cast sat. Connor had signed it when Evan nervously asked him to. It'd be the perfect ice breaker, he thought, but here he was, two weeks later, with nothing to say to Evan but, "Austria-Hungarians." Frankly he wasn't sure if it was right, but he didn't care. He tied his hair back, the bun uncentered, and messy. His lips parted just enough for him to suck the bottom one between his teeth when he focused. He sighed. "Uh, Mrs. Williams? May I go to the restroom?"

"Hurry it up, Connor. Don't make Evan do all the work." She gave him a knowing glance, and Connor nearly sprinted out of the room, fresh tears clouding his eyes, because he was so damn in love.

That's what it was.

love
ləv/Submit
noun
an intense feeling of deep affection.

Connor didn't want love, though. He always assumed it was a weakness. His sister loved everything, really, besides him. She was emotional. She was something Connor never wanted to be. She was vulnerable, and susceptible to manipulation, because she loved so much.

Connor wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to be alone, physically unable to care about someone. He sniffled, angrily as he burst into the men's bathroom, death glaring a freshman with tears in his eyes as he strutted to the only stall in the back. He cried, inaudibly, until he could hear the rushing pit pat of the feet almost sprinting out of the bathroom in fear. His stomach heaved, his breath hitched, his hair fell into his face, and he was out of cigarettes.

Connor hated himself. He hated the fact that Evan was so perfect and Connor was nothing but a lanky, angry, long-haired freak who just happened to be in love with perfection. He was upset that whatever chance he'd even dreamt of having, disappeared, without a trace when the first words escaped Connor's mouth and banged against Evan's eardrums like relentless salespeople knocking on your apartment door asking if you wanted to buy any of their products when you could barely afford the place you lived in. All his hope vanished when Connor Murphy looked at Evan Hansen, with nothing but nervousness, and said, "Hi. I'm Connor."

"Fuck!" Connor cried out, kicking the wall, taking in sharp breaths of air. "Look at me. I'm crying over a damn guy," he whispered, his fist connecting with the wall. He hit it again, letting out a soft noise of pain and anger. "Damn it, damn it, damn it!" He shrieked. "Why can't I just be normal? Why do I have to be head over heels for a guy that would probably scream and run away when he found out I liked him?" He whispered, sliding down the wall, his breaths heavy.

"Connor?" The voice belonged to Evan.

Connor sucked in a breath, trying to hold back another round of sobs, before inevitably giving up. "What do you want?" He growled.

"First of all, for you to please let me in," Evan sounded terrified, shaky, tense, even.

Connor tilted his head in curiosity, standing up, holding his bloody knuckles to his chest. "Damn wall," he growled, opening the stall to be met with the eyes of a concerned Evan Hansen. "Nope, nope, I can't do this."

"You can't do what?" Evan looked at him. "Look, I'll do the history assignment if you want me to. All you have to do is—"

"I don't want your damn intellect, Hansen." Connor stood straight, abruptly, his hands flying behind him in a panicked motion. He took three long strides up to Evan, looking down into his eyes, their noses about a foot apart.

Evan stepped back, looking Connor up and down, dragging his lip in between his teeth. He looked at Connor's frustrated, tears eyes, and sighed, lightly, calming himself down. He stepped towards Connor, again. "Then what do you want?" He inquired.

"Don't you get it, dumbass?" Connor snarled, half angry at himself, half angry at Evan for being so damn oblivious. He rolled his eyes when Evan shook his head, confusion reading in his featured. "I want you!"

Connor felt his world shatter as Evan shook his head, realization crossing his face as Connor broke down in front of him. Evan felt something in his chest, his eyes widening, leaving him breathless for a moment as he pulled Connor in, drying his tears with his thumb. He did something no one (but probably everyone) could guess. His anxiety melted away, leaving only Evan, tilting Connor's head up and crashing their lips together in an explosion of passion. He wrapped his arms around Connor's shoulders, smiling wide against his lips. "It's okay," He whispered. "Sometimes you just gotta get what you want."

—a/n—

FALL OUT BOY'S NEW ALBUM IS SO GOOD IM SHOOK

Yeah so my pump site just ripped out I'm gonna fix that after I finish this note.

Another song that works with this oneshot is Stay with me by sam smith but the Ben Platt cover makes me cry so here

Also in the thumbnail you will find a drawing of Ben Platt that took me three and a half hours please enjoy.

Ps sorry this was not out sooner I was writing in the bath and I dropped my phone in the water and it deleted everything.

I love you my Carcrashovercastyoungbloods

-Emily aka Foblvr