If It Never Happened ⚣

Chapter 40: December 1st 2016

True P.O.V

I look around the currently empty library after running away from one person, can you guess who?

If you guessed Union you're correct, he's an asshole and is only making my suicidal self, more suicidal.

I was crouched near the corner of the library, somewhere in the L section of the library at the moment.

I was under a flickering light, breathing quietly, trying to calm myself down, as I was on the brink of a panic attack. I've had a couple panic attacks in my short life, and I was alone every time it happened, not even Kyle knew I had panic attacks since they weren't exactly a common thing, I was actually surprised when I didn't have a panic attack after both of my rapes, but I guess that life just works like that.

I leaned my slightly sweaty head against the shelf to my right, closing my eyes to calm my breathing since I breathed better when my eyes were closed and I couldn't see the pitiful world around me.

It truly was relieving.

Then I'd open my eyes and remember what a shitty world I'm stuck in.

Life is . . . life. It is all it can be, but it never seems to get better. It can get worse but never better, but I can't change that, though heaven knows 's I've tried.

Oh, how I wish I could just yell to the world to open its damn eye and to see how messed up everyone around me was, so that they could fix themselves.

Because I may be broken, but they were bent.

Nobody is perfect, no one even gets close to perfect, but regardless of that, some people actually try to make other peoples live's better, but regardless of those few, and I mean few people, some, some like me, always manage to get hurt. They can't save everyone, and I guess I'm just no lucky enough to be saved by anyone because nobody seems to want to ever help the little bullied and abused a kid, no they only ever want to push me down.

I can't say I'm fine with it because I'm not but I live with it, because that's what fighters do, but I can't be counted as a fighter especially when I'm considering leaving the battlefield.

And surrendering.

But that's the easy way out, but it looks a lot better than the current road ahead.

I glance up when I hear the library door's open and close and a single person's feet hit against the hardwood, that was made specifically for the library.

Once I'm sure that they weren't coming down my aisle, I relaxed, my breathing calming to a point that I almost fell asleep, but then I remembered that falling asleep inside this school wasn't the best idea, since if you remember, a majority of the kids in the school, hated my guts.

I grab my side sack and pull my phone out of it to check the time, and seeing it was 1:23 I knew my reading class would be over soon, and then my free period would start but I wasn't too sure I was going to stick around this school long enough to even make it to Social Studies, I might just abandon ship since I didn't think it was really worth it, especially since Mrs. Troy hated me, and the feeling was mutual.

Mrs. Parson wasn't an awful teacher, I actually kind of liked her, she wasn't mean, but she was very strict.

But I wasn't feeling like attending Reading today but even Mrs. Parson understands that.

I mean everyone had a bad day, I just happen to have bad day's almost every day.

I sighed as I rested my head back against the second shelf of the bookshelf, wishing I was home, but then second guessed that, thinking about what happens at home, thinking I didn't want to be trapped there either. In all honesty, the only places I've ever truly felt safe was at Luckies and more recently the Clenevence estate.

And I only felt safe there because of Alister, but that was a story I simply couldn't explain because I didn't understand it either.

I like to think that it's because I can see a future friendship between the two of us in the little amount of time I'm going to be alive.

At least, that's all I think is going to happen, a friendship.

Honesty you'd think I wouldn't feel safe because he is a mafia boss that could kill me with the snap of his fingers. But he hasn't. If I were him, I would have pumped my gut full of lead by this point, I've not only pinned him down in a death lock, but I've also barged into his home to steal Kyle, though he didn't seem to mind then either.

I wonder why.

But regardless of the reason Alister hasn't killed me yet, I was thankful.

I hear the bell ring above me from a small speaker to ensure that the school library the one place that is always silent, stayed silent, and heard children from outside the library's doors, and decided it was time to leave, not wanting to stay in this building any longer, but I'd wait until after everyone left the hallways and entered the classrooms they had at the time.

After six minutes that happened, I got up from my comfy seat on the floor, dragging my body up, bringing my school bag with me, and head towards my locker. They didn't physically stop us from leaving school because they couldn't, but they could punish us if they want to but a majority of the time no one notices that I'm no longer in class, well except the Troy's because those evil bastards are crazily borderline stalkers.

I'm not even joking either, it's crazy how much they hate me, they do, they hate my guts, well one does the other simply stares at me with a creepy amount of lust which isn't normal for a teacher to do.

I twist the combination as I open my locker, I rest my head on the door of my locker, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply, wondering why my life was this bad, but then I stopped and realised my life could have been worse, that other people would kill to have my life because theirs is worse.

I put my school books away knowing I didn't need any of it since I didn't have a drop of homework tonight, thank god, and I wouldn't have to worry about needing to do any homework since it was non-existent.

I close the locker behind me, looking around the school, at the artwork hanging on the walls, pictures were taken about the students, groups of friends, each a happy looking picture, there was even one with Felicia, Union's girlfriend, she's actually really sweet, if you were her friend, she simply didn't like me. But she wasn't homophobic, she just followed her boyfriends lead, pick on the shorter kid.

There wasn't a picture of me, or Kyle, or Claire, or Luke but it was like that, probably for a different reason, I doubt his brother would allow any trace of his younger brother survive in written or printed form.

I smile at a picture of Chris with his buddies who didn't really bother me, probably because my brother could get rather violent when he wanted to. It wasn't common, but it wasn't rare either.

I dropped my gaze to the ground, sighing, after a moment, realizing I had no one to truly look after me, Kyle had Luke, that was his future, Claire would probably own a huge company before she turns 25, my siblings probably wouldn't care, neither would my parents.

I smiled, looking up at the double doors, I could do it. Right now, I could kill myself and no one would be able to stop me, and no one would care, it would be so simple.

So why didn't I walk out those doors and do it?