If It Never Happened ⚣

Chapter 52: January 15th 2017

~My biggest fear is that you will see me the way I see myself- Unknown~

True P.O.V

I looked up at the ceiling, bored. Karin just left the hospital room, and I was told my family would be in at any moment, but I didn't know if I really wanted to see my family right now. I don't think my family even cares. I know for a fact that they didn't care moments before my suicide so why would they care after?

They wouldn't. So when they walk through that door, I'm expecting nothing but hatred like normal. So when the walked in, I didn't expect tears. But somehow for some reason, I saw tears. They had actually had to wait for after Karin left because they had the put the IV through my nose. I think it was because the hospital didn't want me eating anything yet so they are now feeding me through an nasogastric tube through the nose, it felt weird. I wouldn't recommend it.

The first person to come in was Bryan, and the moment I saw my baby brother, I knew he was the one who found my body. I didn't even have to ask, the look in his eyes that shown that he knew that If he didn't find me when he did, he knew I'd be dead. He was potentially feeling the guilt that I could have died without my brother but I couldn't tell him a thank you, because I'd be lying. I was hoping to die, but I was still here, sadly.

"True, " Bryan whimpered before he ran towards me, and jumped onto my hospital bed and hugged me tightly and I had to hold back a wince that wanted to burst out, Bryan landed on my chest, with its multiple wounds. It was kind of painful, no it was more than painful. I raised one of my arms and began to rub his back, attempting to be soothing but deep down was hoping he could mentally hear me yelling at him to release me from his deadly hold.

He eventually let go of me, and when he did he had tears crusting the corner of his eyes. I had hurt him, my attempted suicide hurt him. But Bryan didn't know. He didn't know everything that's happened to me. I wouldn't want my baby brothers to know, I don't want anybody to know.

I put a hand on his cheek to rub the tears away, and he seemed to lean into my hand. He closed his eyes and simply leaned into my hand. I felt loved at that one moment. I knew it wouldn't last, so reach up and wrap both of arms around my brother, who jumped slightly at the contact but hugged right back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into Bryan's ear, as I stroked his hair, the dirty blonde hair of his, moving with my hand. His hair was soft if felt nice. I remember having my hair stroked like this but that was a very long time ago, and it wasn't ever going to happen again.

The person who did that doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't care about me. She never will.

"W-why did y-you do that?!?" Bryan cried out, the tears still pouring out of his hazel eyes. I felt like crying myself when I saw my brothers tears, it was hurting my soul. Seeing him cry. I didn't ever want to see it again, but something deep down told me I would. I always hurt those that I love. Maybe that's why those I love, don't love me back. They never will.

I felt Bryan's words hit my brain. Why did I do this? I wouldn't be able to tell Bryan the truth, I wouldn't be able to tell anybody the truth, I didn't want anybody to know. It wasn't like they needed to know me, a kid hated by everybody, was raped multiple times, abused by family, and bullied at school a place that is supposed to be safe but isn't.

Bryan seemed to forget he even asked the question, because he didn't pressure me for an answer, instead he hid his head in my chest, and cried his heart out, for what I hoped was tears of happiness that I was still alive, and not tears of selfishness, only wanting me to be alive for his own self-gain.

I didn't think Bryan was a person like that, but even the people I trusted potentially turned there backs on me, and didn't second guess themselves about, because to everyone else all I was, was a body of a human only alive to be a punching bag and used for others self-gain. Since I was young that's all I've been, nobody ever asked me what I wanted to do, they told me. I'm like a child's toy, the play too roughly with the toy and it gets broken and then forgotten when the toy gets replaced.