The story of James and Lily

What doesn't kill you

Lily's Pov

I sit motionlessly staring out across the burned marketplace as other order members gather around the edges, slowly raising their wands and returning it to how it looked just hours ago. The second we apperated back here the death eaters were seen to and all of the remaining muggles were taken care of by the department of magical security, their minds wiped and changed to believe there was a horrible accidental fire, with no one to blame. It is still dark out but there is the slightest indication of the sun starting to rise and with nothing else to do i found myself sat here, we searched the area for the remaining death eater and the man he was threatening but they were nowhere to be seen and so i found myself here, sat on a small brick wall running over everything that happened in my mind, visions of the bodies of the innocent victims of Voldemorts plans flashing across my memory, impossible to forget. Silently James comes over and sits down beside me, covered in ash and remanence of the attack in the form of a cut of his forehead and split lip. He slips an arm around my shoulders and i lean against his chest, settling myself against him in the hope to feel some comfort. "that woman died, the one we were talking to earlier..." i say trailing of into a whisper. He sighs and kisses my forehead softly "I know.....i...saw. But you saved her daughter and granddaughter and Aberforth says that they had their memories changed just like all the others, at least they won't know how it really happened" he says caressing my arm. "it seems wrong, doesn't it....that they'll never know what really happened, i know its better this way but it just makes the whole thing more horrible" i say forcing back the stinging sensation in my eyes. "I know" James mutters quietly. "Right you two are free to go" Madeye calls out to us. We both nod and get up without answering, James is the one to apperate us back to the house, empty and dark when we arrive. 

I stumble into the kitchen absentmindedly and start searching through the cupboards for something to cook, after discovering a new batch of shopping in the fridge i pull out a number of ingredients and rummage through one of the draws for a knife. Eventually, i find it in completely the wrong spot and smile to myself weakly, this must mean Sirius has been here recently. It has been two weeks since we have even spoken to him and a week and a half for Peter and Remus. Frank and Alice are the most consistent with getting word back to the order, the latest message from them arriving just yesterday. Mar, on the other hand, is the same as Sirius, nothing for two weeks, at first i really worried, knowing what a state he was in the last time i saw him and leaving without saying goodbye invoked a certain amount of anger in both James and myself but we both know Sirius and if he wants to be alone then there is nothing any of us can do to stop him. It was five days into not hearing from him that i first noticed things moved when we returned to the house, i can't be sure but it is the only hope we have and so i take comfort when i find even the smallest change. Whipping my forehead on the back of my sleeve i go to start chopping some carrots to make a soup when i notice that my arm comes away with a smudge of red staining the cloth. I put down the knife and go over to the mirror to see a gash across my forehead, with a sigh and reach for my wand and raise it about to mumble a healing charm but as the tip brushes my skin i stop myself and instead place my wand on the table. This cut is the only sign that anything happened at all tonight and i feel as though if everything is taken away i might just go insane with all of the horrible memories i have swirling around in my head, the screams of children sending shivers through me. Instead, i walk over to the sink and turn on the tap, picking up a cloth from the side and letting the loke warm water soak through it. Ringing it out i turn back to the mirror and start to sponge away the dried blood from my forehead before changing my focus to my hands and arms, still coated in red copper marks. Diluted red droplets stream down my arms as i scrub at my skin violently throwing the cloth down when I've finished and rest my elbows on the sink as i let my weight rest fully on them. The sound of boiling water snaps me back into reality as i stand up straight and walk over to the stove, turning down the heat and starting to chop up the vegetables i gathered. 

When James enters the room still looking as dirty and disheveled as he did before i have already prepared the rest of our meal and am sat waiting for it to cook fully. "You still have ash and blood all over you" i state standing up and reaching for a clean cloth. James takes a look down at himself and shrugs of his jacket, revealing a stained mix of red and blacks on his previously white t-shirt. "Right....yeah, i uh, i should change" he mutters almost just too himself but ignores his own thoughts and sits down at the kitchen table anyway. I  amble over and place my one hand on the back of his neck while i use the other to clean away the signs of war as best i can. "There was nothing we could have done," i say trying to sound reassuring but failing miserably as the words leave my lips shaken and nervous sounding. "I know but that hasn't stopped you feeling guilty about it has it?" he smiles weakly with kind eyes as he takes a hold of my wrist. I freeze for a second before sitting down in the chair next to him with a sigh "I keep telling myself that there wasn't and there really wasn't, there was only two of us and we didn't even know if anyone would be back at the order but........" i trail of "I know" James whispers letting me know that he understands, reaching out and taking my hand in his, the small contact instantly giving me some comfort. "We knew this would be hard, it's a war, there were always going to be.....deaths and joining the order pretty much set us up to lose people, but i never considered the ones i didn't know. The innocent victims throughout all of this that would have no clue why they're being attacked, the ones that can't fight back" his voice is a lot stronger than mine, more reflective helping me to focus more on him rather than the things i just saw. I shift closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder, keeping our hands clasped together. "Im glad we have each other.....i couldn't get through this without you" i say moving to look into his eyes. "We just have to imagine that future, the one where there is no Voldemort and we can go on living knowing that all of this was worth it" he smiles at my words and leans forward kissing my temple. "And we'll get it, we just can't give up" 

I served dinner under an hour later and James and i sat and ate in the kitchen although neither of us particularly had an appetite. We separated to wash and change and James took our clothes outside to throw away while i waited, sat up in bed and looking down at the empty spot at my feet. Before we had left for our first mission just over two weeks ago i took Natalie to Marlene's, with no one home to look after her i knew that she had to go to someone and Mar's mother said she'd be happy to take care of her until i could have her back. Of course, from being at Hogwarts i knew that she was recognisable and so i changed the colour of her fur from jet black to a coppery ginger, a simple transfiguration spell to comfort me in knowing that she could not be recognised at mine just in case. The bedroom door opens and James walks in, hair ruffled and skin flushed from the cold brisk winds, he takes of his shoes and comes straight over to climb into bed next to me. "As soon as this is all over we'll go back and get her," he says clearly noticing my wistful look. I shuffle down and pull the covers up over my shoulders "I know, it's just weird her not being here.......everyone seems to be missing at the moment".                                           "yeah they are" James agrees looking down at his hands. "We'll hear from them soon though right, they'll be okay, we're all just adapting to being thrown in at the deep end" i breath gently stroking his forearm. He smiles and takes a deep breath "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?" he smirks.