Remission [H.S. MATURE AU]

2.

SCARLETT

When I open my eyes and see the light coming from the window I immediately realize that I've been able to sleep the whole night, thanks to the sleeping pill I took last night. When I move my stare to the other side of the room the first person I see is my dad, who's exactly where I left him last night, and next to him there's my mother and brother. They're both looking at me, with their teary, but happy eyes. I immediately get up, resting my back against the headboard of the bed and stretching both of my arms toward Poe first. He jumps toward me and wraps his arms around my back, paying attention not too squeeze too hard. I can see how scared he is of breaking me. I wonder if I'll ever get used to people treating me as a fragile thing. I'm not sure I want to.

"I'm so sorry, Scar... for absolutely everything." Poe holds me against his body and hides his face in my hair while he cries and my own tears don't hold back for longer either, before falling down my face.

"It's ok, it's ok." I repeat, rubbing his back. "It's in the past, it doesn't matter anymore." He quietly nods his head and sniffs, before freeing me from his hold and slightly stepping back to let Annalise greet me this time. She hesitates at first, probably not too sure that things are ok between us. We look at each other in the eyes, for a few seconds, before she quietly advances toward me and grabs my hand, to hold into hers.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you..." She brings her hand to my face, caressing my cheek while she speaks. I'm the one pushing her against me and wrapping my arms around her. "I wish I could've been the one to explain to you why I did what I did but I've always been too much of a coward to do so." She breaks the hug just to caress my cheek again and look me in the eyes while she speaks. I see my father and Poe quietly leaving the room, to give some time to talk to the two of us. Annalise sits down on the hem of my bed and takes a deep breath before starting to talk. "I was completely out of me back at the time. Your biological mother was a drug addicted and I had selfishly thought that I could've given you a better life." I wish I could say that I can't understand her fool decisions, but I do. I've taken bad decisions while being out of me too. I know what it feels like being completely desperate and thinking you don't have a different choice.

"Mom, it's ok..." I nod my head and wrap my arms around her again, resting my head on her chest. "I'm just glad I'm back home with all of you." She caresses my head and nods her head. I can feel her own tears falling and wetting my skin and I just close my eyes, enjoying her touch. It feels so good having familiar and caring hands touching my body after all this time. "That's the only thing I wanna think about now..." I admit, my voice breaking down a little. The truth is that I'm not ready to face anything else.

"Ok, honey!" She nods her head. "Whatever you want."

"Right now I just want to take a shower..." I dry my tears and slightly giggle. Annalise stands up and walks toward one of the chair, taking a duffel bag and laying it on my bed.

"I brought you some stuff." She unzips it, taking out some towels, a pajama and some clean clothes. My old clothes, I recognize them. I'm happy to see that they hadn't thrown my stuff away yet. I take the pajama and towels, and with her help I get out of bed. "Do you need help in the shower too?"

"I think I'm gonna be fine!" I quickly says, walking toward the bathroom and closing the door behind me. Once I'm in the shower, with the hot water hitting my body, I really find myself wishing it could wash everything away, but it's going to be way harder than that. I grab a clean sponge, furiously rubbing it all over my body, wanting nothing more than erasing his disgusting hands from my body. I have to force myself to soffocate a sob, because I don't want my family to hear while I break down. I fall to my knees and just decide to sit down, hugging my knees to my chest. The water keeps falling down, mixing with my own tears, while I silently sob. I feel completely broken. Once I'm out of the shower I wrap my towel around my naked body and for the first time, I find the courage to look at myself in the mirror. I push my wet hair out of my face that seems so different now. My cheekbones are sharper, because of the weight I've lost and there's a reddish circle around my right eye and a cut on my upper lip. My eyes go down, on my bare shoulders. I immediately notice the scar of the cigarette. A small circle on my pale skin. I bring my finger on it, tracing the outline of it with the tip of my finger. I can still feel the pain of it, the fear and the tears. There are also more scars, with a less defined shape, from the taser. I look at myself in the mirror again and I can't recognize the woman looking back at me. I stopped recognizing it a long time ago and yet I'd do anything now to get that person back. To get the time back. I wonder if I'll ever find her again, the person I was way before a masked monster decided to steal my freedom and soul to merciless destroy it. But the truth is that it's a work of destruction that had started way before him, he's just finished the job. The job I had started myself. A knock on the door quickly brings me back to reality and I immediately turn toward it.