Remission [H.S. MATURE AU]

3.

SCARLETT

"What's going on?" I immediately ask. If there's one thing I'm sure about is that my father is right; I'm tired of secrets and being lied to. They both immediately turn toward me, knowing very well that I've heard everything. My mother seems more upset about it.

"We got the results of the rest of your exams from the hospital." My father says, hinting at the folder between his hands.

"Scarlett, it's not something that you necessarily need to know right now." My mother says, walking toward me and grabbing my hands as form of comfort.

"Am I ok?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowed while I move my stare between the two of them with confusion. My mother immediately nods her head and caresses my cheek.

"Of course you're fine, that's why I'm saying it's not something that you necessarily need to know right now."

"It's up to you, honey!" My father tells me, not fighting her this time. I'm still clueless about whatever it could be but since my mother is so concerned it mustn't be nothing.

"I wanna know!" I tell them, completely sure of it. I don't want to be treated like I'm about to break. I wouldn't think about anything else if I'd decide not to know what's going on.

"Maybe it's better if you sit down then." My father tells me, pointing at the couch not too far from us. I sit down on the couch, while they sit on the armchairs opposite to it. Concern is all over my mother's face, while my father keeps on his usual neutral expression. Unlike my mother, he's a pretty strong poker face. I hug my knees to my chest, while they both try to find the right words to tell me whatever is going on.

"Scarlett... you told Spencer about a precise moment when you started bleeding while you were held captive, remember?" He tells me. "You said you remembered the blood, but not the pain... because of drugs." I quickly nod. To be honest, I don't even remember if it was really my blood, or if it was blood, in the first place. "Have you noticed anything different with your body while being down there?" I furrow my eyebrows again, not understanding whatever he's trying to say. I slowly shake my head, after thinking about it for a few seconds.

"In these four months, did you have your period?" My mother goes straight to the point, probably already too impatient for my father's little mind games. I think about her question and for the first time, in four months, I realize that I haven't worried about it at all. I'm not sure I've got my period, but I was also drugged a lot.

"I don't know... I don't think so?" I shrug my shoulders and when I see their worried faces I immediately realize what they're trying to say. My lips slightly part. "Am I pregnant?" I absently bring my hand to my flat stomach and immediately lower my stare on it. I feel my heart starting beating in my chest, I don't know if in complete fear and anxiety or in happiness and excitement.

"You were." My stare goes immediately back on my father at his words. You were. I was. It's past. I push my hand against my flat stomach while a tear start streaming against my cheek. "You had a miscarriage." A sob escapes my lips when my father confirms my most horrific thought and my mother immediately sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around me and tightening me against her body while I cry and scream my eyes out. Until less than a week ago there was a life growing inside of me. A life I had created with someone I madly loved. A life that didn't deserve what I went through. A life that had grown inside of me for over four months and that I didn't even know about. I didn't have any moment to acknowledge or be thankful for it, I didn't have any occasion to love it.

"It's gonna be fine, honey... it's gonna be fine." My mother rubs my back, while she repeats her words over and over again, trying to calm my desperate crying and pain but I'm not too sure anymore that everything is going to be fine. How do you recover from it? How do you recover from knowing that you're responsible for the death of your own child? While growing up, I had always promised myself that I was going to become the best mother for my child, the one I never had, or better, the one I found in Annalise, and now I am completely shattered. I can feel the way I break into a thousand of pieces. Pieces I'll never get back, pieces I'll never be able to put back together. I can feel my father sitting next to me and holding me in his arms too and I just let myself go between their arms, feeling like a child all over again.