Poems and Rants Of A Killjoy

11:55 PM (still Tuesday)

This morning I saw a text message from Logan. Upon clicking on it I read a very long and sad rant about how he sees his problems.

He sees himself as this monster who hurts others. He believes that he's caused me harm, yet he hasn't. I've tried to be logical when talking to him and its not getting through to him, none of it is. Which I can understand where he's at right now, so it (kind of) makes sense...

I'm sorry that recently all of my rants or poems are about him. It's bothering me so I write it down here. Did I mention that a month ago he send me a picture of his self-harm (it was after the fact)!? Yes, he really did that and yes, he's asked people for sharp things or a rope.

I don't know if he understands how triggering that is for people, how triggering that was for me. But what does it matter? I've tried over and over to help him, yet he only wants to talk to me rather than a professional. Do I cave and talk to him?

I feel guilty about ignoring him and treating him like this when he's clearly struggling. It's not fair, yet I'm at a lost because by helping him I'm not helping myself.... which I've done a few times before.

Six different times I've tried (and others) to get him to let me go, but he won't. He'll say things like, "yeah", "I get it", or "I'll shut up now" just to end those types of conversations. To end the confrontation.

I understand wanting to get away from confrontation (I myself hate it), but sometimes it's necessary. Which I wonder if he understands.

I think I'll end this rant here... My darling souls, thank you for reading.