I flinch and stutter around my father. I hate that I do! It makes me feel so fucking weak!
I blame myself for not standing up to him. I've blamed myself for years because I've never been able to stand against him. Instead my eyes are casted downwards as I stand motionless, as if I can't hear the yelling or the horrible words that are spoken. Tears slide down my face as I listen.
Why am I so fucking weak?
When I was self-harming and close to death my father had grabbed me when he saw my cuts. His grip iron tight I struggled to get away. He said two things to me that day, "those better not be what I think they are" and "don't do anything stupid". That was it.
Basically he told me not to kill myself or do anything "stupid". I honestly believe because he knew it would turn our fucked up family on their heads, it would ruin them...
So I have plenty of reasons to hate him... and myself.
YOU ARE READING
Poems and Rants Of A Killjoy
PoetryAll of my thoughts written down in here... This is a place for those who need a safe haven of sorts. Made by one of your own. I hope you can learn from my mistakes. "Come one, come all to this tragic affair..." -Dead! By My Chemical Romance [ON-GOIN...
