Crossed Hearts (SugaKookie)

34

Yoongi didn't know what to do. Jungkook had refused to eat dinner. He had refused to even speak and done nothing but slowly make his way up the stairs only to curl up on his bed, trying to not wrinkle his blanket in the process. Yoongi had done the same thing many times though perhaps he had been a bit more obvious about it. All Yoongi knew was that something was wrong and Jungkook was dealing with it by closing himself off and denying himself things he wanted such as food. Yoongi knew it was a coping mechanism as he had seen it happen a few times to his friends and even to himself when he was terribly distraught.

All Yoongi knew to do was talk to Jungkook about it. Whatever was going on shouldn't be bottled up and besides, it might help the boy to get it out of his system and into the open. It was more than him just being sick and Yoongi knew he might have to call Jungkook out on it.

Yoongi knocked on Jungkook's open door before entering, giving the younger a moment to realize Yoongi was in the room, "Jungkook, can we talk?" Yoongi knew Jungkook didn't like talking about his past or his problems and he hoped for the best outcome and as few tears as possible.

Jungkook's voice was flat and emotionless as he answered. He didn't even bother to roll onto his other side to look at Yoongi as he spoke as he was laying on his side facing the wall, "Yes, hyung?"

"What's going on?" there it was. Why not be blunt about it and get things in the open?

Jungkook was silent. He was hurting. He was hurting so much and he wanted Yoongi to make everything better but he knew the older man couldn't. Sehun would get him in trouble and it would be Jungkook's fault. But Sehun had also said that Yoongi just wanted him. Jungkook was confused to say the least. His chest was aching with the pangs he felt in his heart and his eyes were already welling with tears. He angrily rubbed his eyes. He couldn't have a breakdown right now.

But he needed to know. He needed to know if Yoongi was what Sehun said he was.

Jungkook sucked in a breath, eyes stinging with the threat of falling tears, "I don't understand," he whispered.

"What don't you understand?" Yoongi asked. He had a look of worry etched onto his face. His own eyes were somewhat teary. He hated to see the smaller suffer.

"Why are you helping me?" Jungkook choked out. He turned this time, sitting up on his bed and letting his feet touch the floor. Yoongi's heart broke all over again when he saw the pain written out on Jungkook's face, "There's no reason. What do you want from me?" he couldn't choke back the sob that racked his body, "What am I to you? Am I just a toy for you? Someone you can use to make you feel better after a long day?"

Yoongi's face fell, his own tears threatening to fall, "What?" It barely came out as a whisper, "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

"What else can I believe?" tears were leaving angry streaks down his face and dripping down, soaking his shirt.

"Jungkook, you're my friend."

"Liar!" the other yelled, backing away until his back hit the wall behind him and he could wrap his arms around his knees to bury his head there, "Nobody is actually a friend. Everyone wants something from you, Yoongi. That's the first thing I learned." Yoongi. Not hyung. Yoongi.

Yoongi tried to regain his countenance but it was a losing battle. After so many weeks of not knowing what to do or how to help, Yoongi was beginning to fall apart, too. Had he been a fool to think he could have ever helped Jungkook? Still he carried on, "I want your friendship, Jungkook. That's all I want from you. I want you to be safe and happy and warm and I want the nightmares and the tears to stop and I want to be able to hug you and not have you be so afraid that I'm going to hurt you that you can't even just enjoy the warmth." He realized he was rambling at this point, but he couldn't stop himself. Tears burned at his eyes and clouded his vision as he sniffled and continued despite barely being able to see the younger through all his tears, "Being around you makes me feel good inside. I don't know why and no – you're not some basket case for me to try and cure. I love being around you because you're Jungkook and I love you for who you are. And maybe I am greedy because I do want you to be there at the end of my day. I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night because you make me feel whole. I didn't know I was missing something so important in my life until I found you. And maybe you don't believe it and maybe you hate me because you can't understand but I love you, Jungkook."

It was too much to take. Weeks of having to hold that confession inside and finally letting it spill out crumbled Yoongi. He felt himself falling and then hitting the floor. The wood floor was cold but he didn't care. The heat of his tears streaking down his face distracted him from the feeling. He felt numb and he could have sworn he heard Jungkook walk out. He couldn't see anything through the tears. He lifted his hands up to cover his eyes and face and let himself sob freely. What was the point of holding it in? Jungkook was gone.

His cries filled his own ears until he became deaf to everything else around him. The coolness of the floor had seeped into his bones and he couldn't stop himself from shivering. His head was pounding as the tears continued. He tried to wipe them away and move on but the tears he wiped away were almost immediately replaced by fresh, hot ones. Everything hurt and all Yoongi wanted was Jungkook to be happy again.

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I know I'm terrible I'm making it all sad