BTS's 8th Member Imagines (Requests Closed)

Y/N Makes A Video

A/N: Have you guys heard about Jin's grandmother's death? I AM SO UPSET MAY HER SOUL REST IN PEACE! FIGHTING JIN! I hope you enjoy this chapter although it made me tear up. 

No One POV

You had your own youtube channel but never posted on it. All it had was your solo album, but today you wanted to make a video for the members and ARMY that explained why you were down recently.

The boys were out to get groceries and you insisted on staying home alone, and after a few tries, they hesitatingly agreed. You had set the camera up and hadn't bothered to look good as you wanted this to be completely raw.

(A/N: the things she will be saying will be in italics so I won't have to put speech marks)

You pressed the record button and sat on your bed before you took a deep breath. This was going to be a long video.

Annyeong ARMY and Bantan. I decided to make this video to explain why I have been down recently as you all have the rights to deserve an explanation. This is also something where I will be able to rant and let my emotions out as they have been completely bottled up inside me.

First off I am guessing all of you already know about how my parents passed away while I was quite young. Well, I had my grandmother who took me in and raised me until I moved out to Big Hit when I was 12. 

Well, my grandmother was like a mother figure for me and tried to give me everything I wished for even though she had to work quite hard.

You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes as this topic came up.

Ever since I have become an idol, I have been paying her back by paying her rent and giving her enough money to supply her with anything she needed. She was all I had left as I had no siblings, but one week ago, my grandmother passed away as she was stabbed repeatedly by someone while walking along the streets.

It hurt me because I wasn't there for her when I should have been. She was there for me when I needed her and yet I wasn't able to be there for her.

You had tears completely streaming down your face as memories of your grandma flashed in your mind.

Even though I am an I idol, I am still a human. As an idol you are meant to be happy in front of everyone. I have always hidden this side from both ARMY and the members as I was afraid of judgement. 

Soon I realised that we all go through this. Life isn't easy as an idol. Even though it seems like it, you really need a lot of determination. I have been putting all my efforts in and have tried to do my best every time, yet I still feel insecure about myself and who I am.

I sometimes forget that I am a human and that I am allowed to have emotions. Yes as Bangtan we may look like we are always happy, but we all argue and get upset at each other. We all have our breaking points and get depressed at times, but this is all behind the camera and you aren't able to see it. But this is what makes us comfortable and gives us a family vibe with each other.

I think idols should be treated as normal people as they are humans. Even though they have produced music and are famous, they should not be considered higher than others. Everyday I go through the same schedule, waking up early, going to practice and coming home and resting.

There have been nights where I haven't gotten proper sleep, some of them being like the previous ones. I have been in my studio producing songs and practicing for our songs. With constant online hate and criticism, it is easy for someone to say to ignore it.

But when you are the one facing it, it isn't the same. Some things don't get to you, but some of them can hit me really hard and can make me fall into a state of depression where I question everything about me. Whether I belong in Bangtan, if I am worthy of this position, if I am good at anything, and sometimes it goes to the extent where I think whether I am worth living.

I have seen myself grow so much over the years into something I thought I couldn't be. Many idols filter out everything and try to make themselves look happy. However I believe that fans deserve to see the negatives about being an idol too. There are always positives and negative to situations, not just positives or just negatives. 

With our new comeback in just a few months, the pressure is getting to me as I want to produce good quality songs. Not just for our fans, but for ourselves too. It is hard for me now days to not feel insecure, whether it is about my body, my voice, my dancing, or my looks. 

I have also had a bad past with anxiety issues, however they seemed to have faded away for a while, until they returned just recently. When I find myself in a situation with a lot of pressure I tend to get anxiety attacks and find myself focusing on anything but the thing I actually have to be focussed on.

I just am hoping for the best in the future and want to be able to portray this raw side of me more often as I feel like everyone has the right to know what actually goes on when we are backstage or what goes on when the cameras are off.

But that's it for today, it felt good letting everything out as I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest after talking about things that have been bothering me recently. Anways guys, I will see you soon. Annyeong!

After you said that you covered the lens with your hand and turned the recording off before immediately transferring the clip onto your laptop to post immediately. You didn't want to edit anything as you wanted this to be 100% raw. You got onto your youtube channel and posted the video and had already seen how your video had many likes, comments and views. 

There were many supportive comments who were happy of how you exposed this raw side of you and wanted to see more of this. You didn't know that the boys had already viewed your video and were shedding tears because if it.

Just then you received a message from Namjoon.

Joonie

Y/N what was that video all about?

Y/N/N

About why I seemed so off. How long are you?

Joonie

We are a few minutes. 

Y/N/N

Okay I am waiting.

About a minute later you heard the doorbell ring and saw the members with tears striken faces as they tackled you with bone crushing hugs.

"Y/N I am proud of you for doing that. But you could have talked to us you know." Yoongi said as you weakly smiled at him. You wanted to show them that you also had a weak and fragile side that came with your happy personality. You didn't want to be fake.

You received many twitter and Instagram notifications and saw the next morning that the  #WeLoveRawY/N hashtag had gotten really popular. You saw many ARMY's had retweeted and shared the link to your video and had posted snippets of your video. You smiled and internally gave yourself a pat on the back for posting that video as you knew it was the right thing to do.