Run and Hide

Chapter 33: No More Suffering, No More Pain

Chapter 33: No More Suffering, No More Pain

Hiccup

I could have let myself stay in the darkness for as long as I wanted to because the way I fell into it was the best feeling of my life. I remember it as clear as day; just before I fully closed my eyes I asked my mother stay by my side, to not leave me and that's exactly what she did. As soon as she led her weight underneath my own I felt security, I felt safe led there against her because I knew she would protect me now and forever. I could feel and hear the heart beat inside her chest beat evenly and calmly but just that sound made me feel at home because she was my home as was my father. Before I could feel myself fading down into the darkness she would run her hand through my hair gently and hum a small tune to make me feel at ease and let me drift off slowly; through it all I could feel myself curve a smile onto my face because the thought of knowing I was safe, was the best feeling I could ever have asked for. But suddenly that thought vanished from my mind and I couldn't help but let the fear creep in. What if when I woke up this was all a dream? What if none of this ever happened? Or even worse than that, what if...what if it did happen but she was gone when I woke up? Having the questions run through my brain made me realise that I no longer wanted to wake back up; I wanted to keep my eyes closed for as long as I possibly could.

I could feel the fright run through me and the pain it caused through my head made it unbearable and now I could feel myself moving into a nightmare. I wanted it to end but I knew that if I woke up the nightmare would just continue and I'd rather let it play out in my head than let it play out in reality. Through everything that's happened the fright which was built inside me has stayed intact and its eating away at me always trying to get its own way and it appears that it always wins, but I don't know how to stop it...I want it to stop but I can't seem to let it instead I just let it win over and over again. Now I could feel myself spinning in the darkness making my head cause more pain than before but I still wouldn't let my eyes open, I would just keep letting myself spin, letting the fright eat at me slowly. "Hiccup..." I heard an echo of my voice being called ever so gently but I wouldn't walk towards that sound, I just stayed in the spinning carousel letting the fear eat at me. Why was I so scared? Why can't I accept the fact this was all real and my mother would be there when I woke up? The darkness soon faded from me and formed into an image and I was back at the Grimborn compound reliving every single moment over and over...reliving the pain and suffering and it started to tear at me from the inside which I couldn't control; all I knew was that I was scared, so scared that I didn't want to relive this I lived it once and too many times in my head, I didn't want it right now not when I was starting to believe.

"Hiccup...Hiccup wake up...wake up!" the sound of the voice from before started to get louder the more urgent it sounded. The image slowly started to disappear from my head and I could feel my body being shaken upon followed by my eyes slowly emerging into the light. I could feel my eyes start flutter fully open and I see knelt down in front of to be a pair of emerald eyes which gave off a concerning glow. I noticed a flock of brown hair fall down past their shoulder as they rested their hand on my shoulder I recognised the warm and gentle feeling to be my mother. I could feel my body shaking slightly from the darkness I just witnessed but seeing her right here in front of me made those worries go away and I could feel the rush of my heart beat slow down to head back to a normal state. Seeing my mother in front of my sent adrenaline through my blood; the sudden reaction which lifted inside of me pushed me up from the bed quickly wrapping my arms around her and holding on tightly. I could feel her own arms place themselves around my fragile figure and she held on with the same amount of pressure as I did her and without a hesitance I reburied my head into her should which turned out to be a frequent occurrence lately. "It's okay, you're okay. It was just a dream," I didn't need to tell any different because she knew that it was from the state of me.

As I stayed placed in her arms I slowly began to calm down and the feeling when she ran her hands through my hair sent life through me. Most of all seeing her here made me feel extremely pleased and proud because I knew this was real and I knew now that I would never have to feel alone or scared to what come my way. Now I knew that I fight the fear inside of me, the fear which always ate away at me destroying the good whichever came into my life so now if I was able to fight it I'd never let it come back again. "Your father and I prepared some food downstairs for you if you'd like to come eat," I nodded my head gently against her until we finally pulled away and she removed a small tear that fell down my face once again but this time the tears stopped falling and I held them all in because they were no longer needed. I smiled at my mother and let her leave first. As I swung myself off the bed, I looked around the room I was placed in to get a better look at the place. I noticed it to be quite large and there was a hatch right above me where I could see the sun's flares makes their way through. At the back of the room there lay a desk with a chair against it both there was nothing on the table and across from me there was a complete empty area which only left the single bed I was led on. That's when it hit me, this must have been my room when I was child but this knowledge struck me hard in the heart because I never got to grow up here and nor did parents see it and that was the most heart breaking of all.

I pushed myself away from the bed and gradually made my way back down the stairs to meet with my parents. I noticed they were both sat up at the table casually eating at their own food, this didn't strike me as odd because I knew what they were doing at least this was the way I interpreted it, they didn't want to act different around me because they figured they do they would be invading my personal space but as well as that it would make me feel awkward and attention seeking and after the events from earlier I made it clear I didn't like the peering eyes on me at all times. I made my way over to the table cautiously because this was different than how it was at the Edge, this was my parents and I didn't know if I had to ask to sit down or if I just did it, or whether I made my presence known that I was here, or if...I don't know just anything. I found that I made my way to the table but there I just stood; I stood there staring at what I presumed was my seat but I didn't do anything I couldn't move because I was lost in my thoughts. "It's okay son," my gaze lifted away from the chair and towards the caring green eyes bulging in front of me. I watched as my father nodded generally making me understand that I could sit down, I didn't have to have permission to sit instead I could just do it. So that was exactly what I did. I carefully pulled out the chair and took my seat but now instead of just staring at the chair I was staring at the food. It was strange, I knew that I ate food at the Edge but when I now looked at the food in front of me I couldn't bring myself to eat it. It was as if my appetite has completely disappeared, what didn't help was the dream I had about the Grimborn compound because it only brought back memories about what I did eat and what I couldn't all because of payment.

I felt a hand take themselves in mine and I looked to see my mother holding her own with mine. I looked up at her as she gave me a reassuring smile while slightly nodding her head and she mouthed at me "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," I gave her a reassuring smile back and instead of eating I lifted the cup of water instead and held it gently in my hands. I found that I had both my hands cupped on it and as I looked down inside and saw my reflection I felt like a disgrace. I was a disgrace. I am a disgrace. This wasn't the child they wanted back I'm sure of it, they didn't want this for a son because I was broken, I'm broken and they can't fix a broken child. I know they can't help the way they look at me but the way in which they do hurts me. The fact that I am broken makes them look upon me with sorrow and worst of they can't do anything to stop it because they don't know what to do and neither do I. I feel that I have just brought more pain and suffering down on this family and I hated. I couldn't do this to them. I looked up at each other dropping down the cup as I went so the water went everywhere and I murmured "I can't do this...I'm sorry I can't. You deserve better than to have a son that's broken like me," I pushed myself away from the table and hurried myself out the room with a run with only the echoing calls of my parent's calling my name from behind. I didn't know where I was going because I didn't know this island; all I knew was that I was running deep into the forest where no one could find me. Somewhere I could be alone.