Run and Hide

Chapter 39: Have I Failed You?

Chapter 39: Have I Failed You?

Astrid

I didn't want to go and help my parent's. After what I saw with Hiccup this morning something seemed very wrong and I couldn't put my finger on what it was. First he woke up in fright so I'm guessing he had a nightmare and he tried acting as if it had no affect on him, then later down at the trade ships he was acting all dodgy around Trader Johann, I mean I know that it must be nerve-racking meeting new people, but the way he acted around Johann was strange especially as he clutched hold of my hand as tight as possible. Then finally all day he wouldn't say a word to anyone, not even me. It was his first time in the village properly so maybe that played a role in the situation and I guess it didn't help that everyone now knew who he was. I would hate it if I were in his place. I should have stayed with him, he seemed so uneasy today and I promised him I wasn't going to leave him alone and I have. Maybe I should check and see if he's okay. No I shouldn't, I can't seem to pestering I have to give him some space as well. But what if something is wrong and he needs help. Cut it out Astrid, he's with Snotlout everything will be fine I mean Snotlout will look out for his cousin, he isn't a complete idiot. I couldn't help it, I had to make sure everything was okay I just hand to and if he was then I can push it aside for the night. I ventured into the outside world to find night had finally taken over even though it's been like this for a while. Though now when I looked at the twilight sky it looked amazing and calm. I shook the feeling away and started my search for Hiccup.

I hoped deeply inside me I wasn't letting my feelings take control of this situation. Hiccup is like a gem, through all the crack and damages he's gone through he still shines and sparkles seeing the light in everything he does and that's an accomplishment in itself. I adored the way he emerald eyes sparkled every time he looked in my direction, followed by that sweet goofy smile he let loose every once in a while. I wish he could be like that all the time but I knew it not to be possible at the moment which I understood entirely. He was strong and brave which I respected him for and even if he doesn't always show it he tries his best to let it come forward and that takes courage. I can never stop thinking about him, he's always on my mind and it isn't always about whether he's okay and whether he's safe or not, he just sits there in my mind giving me that weird goofy smile and his sarcastic comments, I guess I find them comforting and I want to be around him all the time. No, I had to stop thinking about all this, I had to stop it's getting out of hand and I shouldn't even be considering this at the moment not with what is going. Besides he probably doesn't even feel the same way back, we are completely the opposite people with our personalities and he's been so much none of this has probably even crossed his mind. Why is a gut wrenching feeling tearing at me heart all of a sudden? Do I have butterflies inside my stomach?

Snapping myself out of my own twisted trance I began my search once more in the desolate night. It was pretty late around now so most of the people were beginning to head home for the night. That's when I noticed Snotlout walking home himself catching me off guard. "Snotlout?!" I questioned my scream as I ran over to him, I watched as he rolled his eyes at me sighing in high frustration "What Astrid?" I couldn't understand how he was being so blind to what the problem could be "Where's Hiccup?" I asked looking around wondering if he was hiding somewhere, but why did I do that? Of course Hiccup would never do a thing like that. "He wanted to be alone," I slammed my glaring eyes down at Snotlout as he cowered back slightly before taking a stand against me once again "Why did you leave him alone?! After everything that has happened, leaving him alone is probably the last thing you wanna do!" I screamed down at him while he returned a deadly glare my way placing his hands on his hips obviously meaning he was being serious to what came next. "Look Astrid, he asked me to leave him alone. He wanted to think, in peace and I respect that. He said once he was done thinking he'll head back home. He promised me alright, he wanted time alone and to be honest I don't blame him. We all can't be around him twenty four seven, he needs air so give it to him Astrid. We all can't crowd round him like he's helpless all the time, sometimes you have to be alone to get used to something." I knew he was right and I hated admitting it. I sighed heavily showing how defeated I was but it didn't budge the nagging feeling inside me that something was wrong. "I get it Snotlout, but I just have this feeling," I did show the urgency to my voice hoping he would reconsider his opinion of leaving him alone. "Astrid relax, I'm sure he's fine you have let this go."