Run and Hide

Chapter 34: People Are Mirrors

Chapter 34: People Are Mirrors

Hiccup

The quicker my feet paced through the woods it didn't matter where I was going. Everything around me was a complete blur all because I was blocking out the world as I ran. I could feel the pounding of my heart trying to break out of my chest but I didn't want that to happen. I came to a sudden halt when I found myself stood at the edge of a cliff; all I could hear now was my heavy breath and all I could see was the water spreading far out into the distance. You would think an image such as this one would make anyone feel better but for some reason for me that isn't so. I can't get the image of my family out of my head but worse than that, I keep comparing it to where I used to be; the Grimborns place wasn't a place of home and the place where I am now it can be just that but when I think about having that it crumbles away and I realise that I can never have that life because I would destroy it. The way my parent's look at me now is something I don't think I can handle, a broken child who can't be fixed is someone they don't want or don't need they need someone who is quite the opposite. I know that everything that has happened in my past will haunt me one day at a time for every day of my life and that is a burden which I have to bear, I don't want my parent's having to deal with it as well it isn't fair.

I let myself drop to the ground making it easy to let my legs hang over the side of the cliff and just stared out into the open. I liked the feeling, no I loved it and I had longed it for a very long time so when I could feel the arms of both my parent's around me it was a feeling I will treasure forever but it's not something I can keep every day. I want to keep experiencing moments like this, moments of when my mum was there when I went to sleep and when I woke up. Having that in my mind put a smile on my face and I loved it until it was invaded by the image of us seated at the dinner table. I didn't need permission to sit down at the table I could just do it, the food in front of me seemed magical only because I never set eyes on food like that before I mean when Aryan gave me that bowl of soup I was nervous about eating it because I didn't know what it was as it was the first time I'd ever laid eyes on it. Everything was coming at me way too fast and as much as I liked what it was giving me, maybe I wasn't ready for it at least not yet. I always wanted to have my family back but I never thought it would be this hard, no I did know it would be I only wished that it wouldn't.

"I figured I'd find you sat up here," I turned around suddenly to see Astrid walking out from the woods. Something was different about her today I realised, her hair was in her usual blonde braid, her blues eyes were still sparkling as usual but her smile was gone and she looked very concerning at me. "No offence Astrid, but I am not in the mood to talk right now," I looked away from her and back out to the sea hoping now it would make me feel better but it didn't and now I realise that it probably never will. I could feel her sit next to me and as she did so she nudged her shoulder with my own; my eyes landed back on her and I could feel them lean deep inside me and I almost had a welcoming feeling inside especially as the door is wide open but I can't bring myself to walk through so quickly I let my eyes divert away. "Hiccup, I know what happened," I grunted heavily without realising that I did it before answering "Well then if you know, you'll understand why I'm not in the mood for talking," I heard her sighed heavily towards me and fling her hands up in the air and from the corner of my eye I knew she was looking at me. "Maybe talking about it is what will help you, maybe you need to talk about to open-"

"Wounds; maybe if I talk about it I'll be opening up wounds and hey you know what after they are out in the open these wounds will heal. That isn't how the world works Astrid, I thought finding my family would be amazing and it would be the best experience of my life and don't get me wrong it has been. Though there is still that feeling I can't handle. If I say it out loud then it makes it real, it makes everything that happened to me real and I have tried so hard to push it aside to forget about it to make it seem that it was a fantasy but it isn't and it never will be and it scares me...It scares me to think what my parent's think of me because the way they look at me already tells a story which I don't want a speech to." The crack in my voice was becoming more evident the deeper I would talk to her and it cut me inside because what I was feeling I'd never said out loud before and that was what hurt me the most. I could feel my body sink in its place just as I could feel Astrid's eyes sink deeper onto me. A sudden touch on my shoulder from her or from anyone would usually make me flinch but right now I didn't have the energy to even do that or feel what I would usually feel, instead I was just empty like usual and I wanted the pain which was deep inside me to disappear because I knew I couldn't take it anymore.

"Hiccup, I understand what happened to you not physically and mentally but you understand where I'm coming from. But trust me when I tell you this, your parent's they don't mind who you are they love you for you even through all the bad that's happened. People are like mirrors, they see you in different ways than the way you see yourself and trust me Hiccup this is exactly how they see you. But Hiccup what you've told me is exactly what you need to tell them because they will understand and it will heal the hole in your heart," I looked back at Astrid and saw how concerning and meaningful she was being to me right now and because I was paying too much attention to the sparkle inside her eyes, I was blinded by the fact she had placed her hand in mine as well as connecting our bodies closer together. I didn't mind; in fact I pushed my weight up against her. She swapped her hands so the opposite one was placed in mine so that she could wrap the other one around my shoulder. As she did so, I let my head rest against her shoulder taking deep breaths and now what ran through my mind were her words. As hard as what I had to do was I knew that it was the truth. I had to speak to my parent's and more than that I had to tell them everything, everything that has ever happened to me and even if they don't accept me after that then I guess I will just moved forwards and accept who I truly am and who I will always be.

"Come on, let's head back," I heard Astrid's sweet voice pipe up from the wind we were sat in. I smiled up at her before we both stood and made our way back through the woods to the village of Berk. I felt more comfortable this time when I walked through because no one stared at us instead carrying on with their usual routines I didn't have to feel overwhelmed with whispers and peering eyes so now when I walked back to the house in which I ran from, there wasn't a need to be afraid anymore except the single fear of telling my parent's the truth about what happened to me because I knew I am not able to hold it back anymore. With all these thoughts running through my head I hadn't found myself placed outside the door with Astrid still at my side, "Hiccup, it's okay just go on in. I know you can do this, I believe you can," I felt her lift her weight up to reach my cheek and as she did I felt her lips soft and sweet connect with my skin; with a final light touch she pulled away and let go of my hand but the moment between us felt as if it went on for minutes. When she walked away from me I stared at the door for a few moments before I pressed my hand against it pushing it ajar. I walked through and in unison I watched as both my parent's head swerved to look in my direction.

"Hiccup," the delight in their voices when their eyes landed on me followed by the smiles on their faces lit up my heart as well as theirs did. Immediately they ran at me and wrapped their arms around me holding me as tight as they could just as I did back "We were so worried about you," the cry in my fathers voice plunged at my heart but in a good way "I'm sorry that I left," I felt a shake of one of my parent's head against me, finding that it was mother because her voice spoke up "It's okay we understand why you did and we figured you needed your space which is why we didn't come after you immediately," I sighed heavily against them and pulled away slowly from them "I'm ready," they exchanged looks with each other before looking back at me with a raised eyebrow on both their faces "I'm ready to tell you everything. If you don't like who I am after everything that's happened to me then I accept that and I won't come back because I don't want to be a burden on you but this is something I need to do. I need to tell you because maybe it will heal the hole in heart...or at least start it." They both smiled at me before we all went and sat down next to the fire and I was ready to explain to them everything. This was the best option I had left and I was ready to tell it.