wedding buddies ↠ harry styles ✓

SEVENTY NINE

Carrington Hill

It all seemed to came crashing down on me when my mother had called me and told me the news. It had only been a couple of days after the engagement party that Harry and I had thrown where most of our families and friends were there. When I picked up on the phone in the morning and I heard the words leave my mum's mouth after one another, I didn't know where to look, what to say or what to do. I kind of just froze in one place as I felt my eyes tear up and slowly but surely, they rolled down my cheeks silently. My chest tightened and my heart hurt as if it had been countlessly stabbed by many knives. I felt my throat close up and a knot formed there which made it hard to swallow. It had taken me a little while to notice my hands were shaking whilst mum told me the news and then she had to put the phone down because she had work.

Then I was alone.

My phone was buried somewhere in the sheets as I stuffed my face in my pillow and cried. I cried until I couldn't properly breathe through my nose that got stuffy and I had no way of breathing in fresh oxygen. It didn't matter how my eyes or cheeks burned from the tears because I shed them for my dog, Buster. They were all for him because he had fallen into a deep sleep – one, that he was never going to wake up from and crawl around my leg when he sees me next or ask to be cuddled on the couch.

Buster was old therefore I had a feeling his end was nearing but I didn't think it would be so damn soon. So many good things have happened in my life, I kind of should have expected the bump in the road to come and push my car to the side, off of the good path. But the fact that it had to be my dog completely shattered my heart into pieces.

I didn't even know what to do then. Like, was I meant to go home or was I just meant to get on with my life as nothing of what I had just been told happened? I knew I couldn't just pretend like my dog didn't pass away because fuck. That was my dog. He made so many people happy. He was such a little ray of sunshine. Sure, he was lazy but so was I. We were the perfect dog and its owner. And now he was gone.

And I wasn't even with him in the last couple of days. I wasn't with him when he closed his eyes for the last ever time. I wasn't there to pet him, to let him cuddle on my lap, to let him crawl around my leg, to let him just be near me. I haven't been home in a while which meant I haven't even seen him in so long. The idea of him passing away, thinking I didn't love him or he didn't mean the absolute world to me made me feel like the biggest asshole on this planet. My heart was in pieces that could never ever be picked up and placed together again and all these thoughts made my whole-body ache as more and more tears flooded my, now probably very red looking, cheeks.

In the end, I decided to call Harry because I just needed someone to hug, someone to comfort me. I had no clue where he was. He could have been downstairs or in the middle of a very important meeting but I called him anyway. I wasn't exactly in the state of mind to think crisp clear.

"Hey, babe, I'm just driving can I call you back?" his voice sounded like music to my ears, one that I loved very much and craved to just listen to it. It had such a calming effect on me and that was all I needed in that moment. But that still didn't stop the sob that broke out of me after a few seconds of silence from both ends of the line. "Carrie, are you okay?"

"Come home," I muttered through tears and heartache which may have been a little overboard but it really fucking hurt. I have never experienced death in my family and so for the first one to be my dog was just absolutely terrible. I had never lost anyone so close to me and I am fully aware of how Buster wasn't an actual person but he was an important part of my life. Dogs are freaking family too.

"Baby what's going on? Are you having me on right now?" he asked me frantically and I literally had to pull my phone away from my ear and put it on speaker as I picked up a pillow and hid my face in it to cry. "Carrington, speak to me, please. I'm starting to get worried."