wedding buddies ↠ harry styles ✓

NINETY SEVEN

a.n. // there'll be words underlined and those are meant to be scribbled out but wattpad is a bitch and it wouldn't transfer it from the word document soz lads

**

Harry Styles

When I woke up, I was on my own. It felt like I dreamt it all. Her in my arms, sobbing, pleading for me to love her and make it all right.

It was all a dream, wasn't it?

I didn't want to feed myself the thought that it could have been real. She despised me. More than anyone had ever done. I understood her completely and I fucking hated myself even more. I acted so badly. My emotions got the best of me and I knew that wasn't an excuse. There was no fucking excuse for the way I behaved.

I knew she would leave me. She would want to. Anyone with a bit of common sense would. And it was all my fault. All of it.

If I wouldn't have freaked out so much... if I would have listened to her... if I would have talked to her instead of just assuming everything.

God.

Everything would be so fucking different.

I didn't want to believe that a week ago – seven fucking days ago – I had everything I have ever wanted in life and now, in that moment as I sat on my fucking ass, I had nothing. Only I was able to mess everything up in my life and be left with my own wrong doings.

I was a mess.

I cried. I did nothing else but cried. I thought I was fucking weak. I thought I was the worst person alive. I deserved the pain. I deserved to be alone. I did this all to myself and I was to blame.

Somewhere deep in my mind it made sense to come back. Home. To come back in the room where I thought I would spend the most time with my baby. My daughter. My darling Elle. God. I missed her so fucking much. I never met her and she never met me. But I loved her more than anyone else in this world. She was my world. My little baby.

She was gone.

I didn't have her in my life anymore.

And her mummy.

Her amazing, wonderful, kind, sweet, gorgeous mummy.

My wife. The love of my life. The only person I ever wanted. The person I waited for. The person I wanted it all with.

I didn't have her in my life anymore.

Neither of them.

They both meant everything to me and they were no longer mine. I knew it the minute I got done reading the letter she left for me. Along with her ring.

Carrington Hill was no longer mine. And there were slim to no chances of her ever being mine again.

**

Harry,

Um, I'm not sure how to start this. Perhaps "um" wasn't the way to go but this would be the fifth time I would start this damn letter all over again and I just can't come up with another sentence starter. Also, I have no time so there's that. Not to mention you might bin this so whatever, I guess.

So... I lov I love you. Yeah. I do. Even after everything that happened, I fucking love you. I always have. Literally from the moment I met you. Lol that is so fucking cliché but hey ho. It's the truth and I guess you deserve it.