little lies (an e.d. fanfiction)

✭ chapter 11

claire's pov

liz looks at me with a serious look on her face and her eyes are piercing, filled with anger, "what's the deal? why have you been continuously lying to me about your relationship with the twins?"

i shake my head and look down, "what do you mean?"

liz rolls her eyes, "serena saw you go home with ethan yesterday, she told me everything. i don't know what your deal is, thinking that you're good enough to talk to someone like ethan and then get all buddy buddy with grayson and fucking lie to everyone about it."

she scoffs and laughs in my face, "i don't know what lie you told them to get them to talk to you. i'm surprised they even acknowledge you. you've been stuck in my shadow ever since you've gotten here. i've given you the status you have now. i made you important. if you weren't walking around with me in the halls no one would even know your god damn name."

i gasp and look at her, hurt. the worst part is, is that she's right. i'm nothing without her. I'm worthless.

i start to respond, "liz i'm sor-"

she soon cuts me off, "i just wanna know how you got them to talk to you. i told you they never talk to freshman so what did you do, huh? did you say you were older? a junior or a senior?"

i can't find the words to respond. i just stand there, shocked.

she nods her head slowly and gives me the bitchiest smile, "uh huh, that's what i thought."

i feel my breathing getting unsteady and the panic washes over me quickly. the tears fall out of my eyes at a rapid pace.

the bus is here and i see liz stroll on. i struggle to get on the bus, i feel like i cant breathe.

i see liz sit down in our usual spot, but this time, i don't sit with her.

i sit alone.

~

it's the last period of the day, english. teen leadership sucked ass today. ethan noticed that i was acting different, i wasn't talking at all. i completely shut down.

at lunch i even sat alone. i went outside in the courtyard to hide out from seeing chelsea, kimberly, and of course, liz.

i hear my english teacher mumble some bull shit and i look at my phone out of boredom. i have 5 new messages.

2:15
ethan: claire are you okay?

2:21
ethan: talk to me. please.

2:23
ethan: im worried abt u

2:29
ethan: what class are u in?

2:34
ethan: claire i'm sorry for whatever is going on. hang in there, ik whatever it is you'll get through it. you're so strong and amazing. love you.

i nearly fall out of my seat reading his last text. love you!? okay, that doesn't mean he's in love with me. i overthink everything.

i want to text him back, in fact, i'm dying to text him back. i want to spill out my problems on him like yesterday and not give a care in the world because i genuinely trust him.

the problem is, i can't do that because all of this is one big lie. all of this is my fault, so maybe i should just cut him off. that might be what's best. i decide to leave him on read.

the bell rings snapping me out of my thoughts and i nearly jump out of my seat rushing out of class. i walk in the hallway with my head down low praying i don't see someone i don't want to see.

i suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder. well, shit.

i turn to the side and see grayson. his eyes go wide and he can tell that i've been crying practically the entire day. my face probably looks worn and tired, and the bags under my eyes are most likely more noticeable than usual.

he gives me a concerned look, "hey claire, ethan's really worried about you. he texted me and said that you've been really off today. is everything alright?"

i shrug, "i don't know, just had a rough day. i'm fine. bye grayson."

with that i speed off into the sea of teenagers surrounding the hallway and he loses me in the crowd of students. i can't have liz or anyone seeing me talk to him.

i feel bad, him and ethan are probably worried. i just can't face talking to them, it reminds me of liz's hurtful word from this morning.

i make my way to the bus and put in my earbuds and zone everything and everyone out with, of course, billie.

i put on the song "lovely" which features khalid, another one of my favorites.

i step onto the bus and see liz already sitting in the seat and looking out the window. i quickly sit down up front so she doesn't notice me.

i sit down and look straight ahead, i feel numb. all i can hear is my music.

oh, i hope some day i'll make it out of here,
even if it takes all night or a hundred years.
need a place to hide, but i can't find one near,
wanna feel alive, outside i can fight my fear.

~

i walk inside my house and find my mom sitting with liam on the couch. i take out my earbuds. my mom looks up at me with a worried expression. she looks like she hasn't slept in days. liam looks upset, and his hands are balled up in fists.

"what's going on in here?"

my mom sighs, "liam just got in trouble at school again today, it's nothing, honey. just go to your room."

i look at my mom; she looks awful. i send her a weak smile and i look at Liam. his face is blank now, and he looks as if he's in a daze. almost like he's dreaming.

i feel like that, too.

i walk upstairs and go into my room and u immediately start sobbing crying. today sucked ass. i hate my life. even better, i hate myself.

i've lost all of my friends, my family is getting worse, fucking cheer tryouts are on monday, i'm a loser, and last but not least, i don't have ethan anymore, and it's all my fault.

i grab my phone and look back at the messages ethan sent me as i gasp for air from my lack of oxygen, the tears won't stop. it's taking everything in me not to answer back. i feel so guilty.

i type back something,

i love you too.

the problem is, i erased it and never pressed "send."

i lay on my bed and snake my way under the covers, shutting my eyes, hoping that when i wake up this will all be over.

but i know that's a lie, too.

(a/n: ok this shit is JUICYYYYYY, srry it was kinda short. thanks for reading, loves. also- i forgot to mention that I was actually in a teen leadership class that would do the same exact activities they do in the book lol. no, ethan dolan wasn't in my class. anyways.. comment ur opinion and voteee !! ily)