Torn

chapter 15

I sit down across from Lindsey.  I know I look rough, having not slept well and crying so much.  But I am actually feeling better.  Now that I have decided to go fix things with Brett.

We eat and chat and then I spill the whole ugly story about Slash.  Lindsey listens, without interrupting. 

"So, you are going to try and fix things with Brett?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, we have been together for so long," I explain.

"True," she says.  "But, you get a light in your eyes when you talk about your guitarist.  That does not happen when you talk about Brett."

"Really?" I am surprised by this.

"Let me ask you this," Lindsey says.  "If both of your guys were behind a locked door, and you could only unlock one door, to free one of them, who would you free?"

"Slash," I say without thinking.

"Close your eyes," she commands me.  I close them.  "Picture this: you are lying in bed, snuggled up to the man you love,  the man you want to be with forever, the man who makes you feel cherished and beautiful.  ok?"

"Ok" I agree, keeping my eyes closed, and trying to picture this.

"Now, in your daydream, look up at the man, who is it?" she says.

With my eyes closed, I picture what she described, and when I looked at the man in my fantasy, it is Slash, not Brett.

I open my eyes and stare at Lindsey. 

"You having second thoughts?" she asks

"Yeah," I fight back tears.  "What am I gonna do?"

"Oh, Wynn, I can not tell you what to do," she says, patting my hand.  "But you have to follow your heart."

"My heart is torn," I say. 

"I know it is," she says. 

"I was going to go find Brett," I say.  "Now I do not know what to do."

We sit there for a while longer, and I decide to go ahead and seek out Brett.  I hug Lindsey in the parking lot and thank her for being there for me.

I get into the car and get on the road.  I get a few miles outta town, when the phone rings.  Its Slash.  I answer and he tells me that he was worried about me and just wanted to make sure I was ok.  It is very sweet of him.  I have pulled off the road into a parking lot to take his call.  We talk for about ten minutes, then we hang up.  I decide to call Brett.  No answer. 

I am filled with doubts, but I proceed anyway.  It takes endless hours to reach the town where Brett is working.   I call him again, this time he answers.  I tell him where I am and he gives me directions to his hotel. 

"Why are you here?" he asks, not very nicely, when he lets me into his room.

"Brett," I say," let's talk about this.  It was one stupid kiss.  I came here to get you, to be with you."

"Wynn, I trusted you," he says, pacing the room.  "After all I have given you, this is how you treat me?"

I open my mouth to speak, but he continues.

"How can I be with you now?  You threw our love on the floor and stomped on it!  What we had is tainted now."

"We can rebuild that trust," I whisper. 

This goes on for a while.  Me practically begging him for another chance.  Him slamming me and telling me how much I screwed up.  Eventually, he agrees to give us another chance.  We fall asleep next to each other, and I have never felt more lonely.