Torn

chapter 42

My folks decided that I need to just rest, and try to relax.  They don't pry or ask a lot of questions.  Mostly they are just concerned about me and the baby.  I tell them that I am absolutely in love with the baby's father, but that he was involved in some things I would not tolerate.  Knowing he is a musician, I am sure they could guess that it is drugs. 

My first night home, feels like a visit and it is actually very comforting.  I am in a safe place, where I will be cared for.  It is the first night in a while that I sleep well, and I feel much better in the morning.  I try to stay focused on the baby.  But it is hard to focus on the baby and not think of him.  My beautiful guitarist.  I have surely left part of me behind with him. 

The days pass, and I just hang out at home.  My folks pamper me and my baby bump grows and grows.  Before I know it, days turn into weeks, and weeks into a month.  I have purchased a crib and some clothes for my daughter.  I know that soon she will make her way into this world and I am dedicated to being a good mom.

Most of my time is spent thinking about the baby.  Will she look like me?  What will I name her?  Will she ever meet her father?  Thoughts of Slash weigh heavy on my heart.  I miss him so much.  If I allow my thoughts to linger on him, I start to feel like my chest is being crushed.  I still cry over him, but not as often as I used to. 

I have just gotten home from a doctor's appointment and barely sat down when there is a knock at the door.  I struggle but manage to get up from the chair and I waddle to the door.  I am not expecting company, maybe its a delivery?  

My jaw hits the floor when I open the door.  

"Hello, Wynn," she says.  She is as beautiful as ever, and she has a regal air about her.  "May I come in?"

"Oh, yes, come in, please," I stumble over the words.  I step to one side so she can enter my parents' house.  "Have a seat, please."   She sits on the couch, and folds her hands in her lap.  I sit in the chair, nervous feelings clutching at my stomach.

"First of all, how are you feeling?" she asks.

"Umm, fine,  Good," I say.

"And the baby?" she raises an eyebrow. 

"She is great, doctor says everything looks great," I answer.  I brace myself for what I know is coming.

"So, let's just get right to it then, shall we?" she begins.  "If you don't love him anymore, that is acceptable.  I am not hear to mend your relationship.  However, my son has a right to know his daughter.  And I want to know my granddaughter.  What needs to happen to make that possible?"

I take a deep breath.  I close my eyes and count to three. 

"You can see her, I am fine with that.  In fact, I prefer it.  But he has to be clean, no drugs, its that simple," I rush the words out in one breath, then I open my eyes and look at her. 

"Oh, Wynn," she sighs.  "He was devastated that you left.  He signed himself up for rehab the very same day.  He was released last week and has been frantically searching for you."

"Really?"  I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.  "So, he is clean?"

"Yes, and he wants you back.  But more than that he wants to be a good dad."  She smiles at me.  "Would it be acceptable to you for me to let him know that I found you?"

"Y-yes," I stutter.

She picks up her phone and dials a  number.  "Hey, how are you today, son?" she says into the phone.  "Well, I have great news.  Wait, someone here should say hi to you first."  She passes the phone to me.  I hesitate for just a moment.  Am I really ready for this?  I think about his deep brown eyes, and that smile, his sense of humor and warm heart.  The baby kicks and I know what needs to happen.  I take the phone and hold it to my ear.

"Hello, Slash," I say, nervously.

"Wynn?" he asks.  "Oh my god, is that really you?"

"Yeah, its me," i fight to hold back the tears.

"I need to see you, baby, please?" he begs.  "Where are you?"

"Um, in Ohio,"  I explain.  "I moved in with my parents."

"I will come there.  Let me book a flight and I will be there as soo as I can."

"You don't have to come all this way," I say.

"Wynnie, are you and the baby ok?"

"Yes, Slash, we are both doing fine."

"Thank God," he sighs.  "I need to see you.  I am on my way."

I hang up the phone and hand it back to his mom.  She pulls me into a hug and i start to cry.  "I miss him, so much," I whisper through my tears.