Torn

chapter 37

"I will call, every night," he says, then he kisses my forehead.  "Fuck, I am gonna miss you so much."

"In a few weeks, I will meet you and we can have some time together," I say, snuggling into his arms, breathing in the scent of his hair.  "I am going to miss you, too."

"Take care of her," Slash says to Joy, my sister.   She is standing behind me, leaning against my car.

I watch as he gets on the bus.  I wave at him when he looks back over his shoulder.

"Whatever shall we do now?"  Joy asks.  "Oh, I know.  How about you teach me how to catch a hottie like Slash?"

"I have things to do, you will have to entertain yourself," I mumble.  I have work later today and in 2 days I have the appointment at the clinic.  I feel sick every time I think about it.

"Oh, Miss Busy Butt, what do you have to do that is so important?"  she is surly.

"None of your business," I say.

I drop her off at home and go to work early.  The days pass too quickly.  Joy is on my nerves, I miss Slash and I am sad about the procedure.  The dreaded day arrives.

I did not want to tell, but I could not face this alone.  So, I told Patty, my friend and co-worker, and she drives me to the clinic.  They call my name and take me to a very cold, sterile room.  I am given a hospital style gown to put on. 

The nurse takes my weight and blood pressure.  She hands me a pamphlet that details exactly what this procedure entails.  It also describes what I can expect to feel afterwards.  I try to not think of it as a baby. I try to distance myself and dull my emotions. 

Then a doctor comes in and goes over the procedure, briefly.  He wants to know if I have any questions.  I can not speak, so I just nod yes.  He tells me to lay back on the table.  He takes out a little device, something I am unfamiliar with.  One end looks like a small radio, the other like a mini microphone.  He runs the microphone looking thing across my abdomen.  From the other part of this thing, we hear a thumping sound.  It is fast, strong, steady.

"Is that?"  I can not finish the question.

"Yes, that is the fetus's heartbeat." the doctor answers cooly.

Not  fetus.  A baby.  My baby.  Slash's baby.  Our baby.  The tears begin to fall.

In the waiting room, my phone rings.  Patty answers it.  It is Lindsey, and the two of them talk.  Patty lets it slip that I am at the clinic and what is going on.  Without me knowing, she calls Slash. 

I return to the waiting room.  I try not to cry, Patty asks no questions.  We head out to the car.  I am walking slowly, feeling kind of numb. 

"Wynn!" I hear my name and look up. 

"Slash?" I am confused.  "Why are you here?"

"I came to get you," he says, walking to me.  "I got here as soon as I  could.  Baby, why didn't you tell me?'

I am crying again.  "You said you would not be a good dad, I know you did not wan a baby..." my voice breaks.  "I figured it would be best to just end it."

"Oh, baby," he takes me in his arms and kisses the top of my head." I would have been thrilled to have a baby with you.  I am so sorry, I should have been here for you.  I love you, sweetheart."

I continue crying.  My head on his chest.

"You should never have had to go through this alone," he whispers.

"I didn't," I finally say.

"You didn't what?" he asks.

"I couldn't do it, Slash," I say, wiping my tears.  "I heard the baby's heartbeat, and I just could NOT do it.  I could not kill our baby."

"You mean?"  he raises an eyebrow.

"I am still pregnant, Slash," I confess.  "We are having a baby.'

"I'm gonna be a dad?" he asks.  He lifts me up in a big hug and twirls me around.