Torn

chapter 48

I feel so sick.  I keep hearing her words over and over.  My god, he would not have done this.  I try to put it out of my mind, but it won't be silenced.  When he finally comes home, I resist the urge to fly off the handle and accuse him.  Instead, I listen to him tell me about his day. 

"How was your day?" he aks, when his stories are done.

"Joy was here," I say, casually.

"Your sister, was here?" he repeats.  "Well that is a surprise."

"She is dating a woman, says she is a lesbian now," I tell him.

"Well, good for her, I guess," he shrugs.

"Slash," I sigh, "I need to know how far things went with you and her."

"How far?" he looks confused.  "How far what went?"

"Gonna make me say it?" I ask.  "Did you kiss her?  Fuck her?  What happened?"

"No, I did not kiss her, or fuck her," he answers.  "What brought this on?"

"She admitted to 'fooling around' with you," I snap.  "I need to know exactly what that means."

"It means that your sister is a liar," he says, matter of factly.  "And the fact that you would ask me about it means that you don't trust me."

"You were wasted that night," I try to explain.  "You were clearly not making good decisions that day.'

"I would not have done anything with her," he says.  "Christ, Wynn, I love you."

"I love you, too," I say.  "But I had to make sure.  I couldn't marry someone who messed around with my sister."

"You have pushed me away, time and time again," he says, a hurt look in his eyes.  "Will I ever be enough for you?  Will my love ever be enough?"

":You are enough, Slash," I reach for him, but he steps away.

"I am not sure I can marry someone who does not trust me," he says, sadly.

"Slash," I say.  "I am so sorry.  I let her into my head and I know better."

'"Without trust we have nothing," he says, turning away from me.  "I am gonna be gone, a lot, with the band.  There will be girls, groupies, whores, and lots of them, everywhere we go.  You have to be able to trust me."

"I do," I insist.

"No, Wynn, obviously you don't." He yells at me.  I feel tears welling up.  " I fought for you, I waited for you.  I watched you with a guy that I knew was going to hurt you.  I watched you walk away and run right to him.  i fought my addictions to be with you and our daughter.  Well, I am not giving you another chance to walk out on me.  I love you and you seem hell bent on destroying me.  Well not this time."  He slams the door behind him as he leaves.

I stand there, speechless.  He just walked out.  Slash just left me.  I crumple to the floor, too shocked to even cry.