My headaches linger, but other than that, I am feeling pretty normal. I know that I only have a few days before Slash goes back on the road with the band. I have not found the right time, the right way, to tell him about the baby.
We are watching t.v. while we wait for our dinner, Chinese take out, to be delivered. The show that is on features a couple with a new baby.
"Babies are so cute," I say, casually.
"Yeah," he agrees, paying more attention to his guitar than the show.
"You ever think about having kids?" I ask, trying to seem cool about it.
"Not really," he says, sitting the guitar aside. "Although I sure like practicing how they are made."
I giggle, as he slides his hands up my legs. His lips meet mind and for a few minutes I am lost in the kiss.
"No, seriously," I say, once we are no longer joined at the lips. "You think you might want a family some day?"
"Well," he is thoughtful for a moment, "I don't think it would be very fair. I mean, the band is just taking off, I hope to spend my life playing my music to a live crowd. What kind of dad would I really be? Always off on tour somewhere. Kids need their dad."
"Yeah," I mumble, trying to not show my disappointment. "I guess you are right."
Our food arrives, but I can barely eat. He does not want kids. What am I going to do? Options are running around in my mind, and distracting me from my dinner and the man that I love.
"Hey," he says, brushing my hair behind my ear, "you ok?"
"Just a headache," I lie.
"Need to lie down?" he offers. I nod yes, and curl up right there on the couch. He stays nearby, playing his guitar.
I love his passion for music. And he is so talented. I have no doubt that he is going to be a rockstar some day. But that music is his life. I can't tie him down to me and a kid he does not want. It is early in the pregnancy. Early enough to terminate. My heart aches as I accept that abortion is the obvious answer. Really, it is my only option. I thought I was going to be mom to a beautiful little baby with wild curly hair and caramel colored skin. Knowing what I have to do leaves me feeling sick and empty.
The decision has been made. I will call tomorrow and make the appointment. As soon as he goes back on the road, I will visit the clinic and that will be the end of it. I turn my head so he won't see the tears that are streaming down my cheeks.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Torn
रोमांसTorn. Torn between two men. Torn between the man she loves and his addiction. Torn between her own life and her love for her sister. It seems around every corner, Wynn is torn.
