**REWRITING You will forever be my always

Chapter 39.

It's been a year now, since I left Utah. Since my first heartbreak, It was about time I came to realization that nothing was ever going to be the same anymore.

He was happy, and well I should be happy also. I kept believing for the last two months since I found out about him and Joe that I still wanted to go back, to talk to him... But it's not worth it anymore. I need to let it go and move on like he did.

The only thing I'll have left is the memories and pictures, and the way he made me feel.

Of course seeing that picture hurt me a lot, but it made me realize that he wasn't going to wait forever.

He deserved to find that happiness again, even if it wasn't with me.

Why did I believe for a split second we would get back together?

We were never going to get back together,
Mostly when I was miles away.

It took me awhile to realize that but now I figured it out on my own. My mind was slowly shifting and things weren't the same anymore.

I put my distance with everyone, including my parents.

I was not talking to him anymore, his texts came through but I didn't answer them anymore.

What I didn't understand is why he kept trying to talk to me when he was more then happy with that bitch.

Did he want to explain, or did he simply just want to apologize. Because none of that was going to change the way I felt at the moment.

After all didn't he and my parents want this a couple months ago? Me..here living my dream?

I needed this like my brother had said before, I was only letting things affect my health and it was not good at all.

Should have listened to Jason from the start.
—
—

The first day I met Anthony Gordon, I fell in love.

Honestly one look at him and I became a lunatic. It's his eyes. Something in his eyes. They're brown, they're dazzling. Absolutely breathtaking.

It's been a year now, I learned long ago at the beginning of the year to hide my feelings. But oh those first few days I felt like it was obvious.

That day in class, as the teacher was signaling for me to present myself, when I looked his way, he was looking right at me.

That's when our eyes met, and time had stopped.

My heart stopped. It just stopped beating. For the first time in my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all inside you, and you're floating. The only thing keeping you from drifting away is that persons eyes.

I knew he was the one at that instant.

But maybe I was wrong.

Of course it was all beautiful and amazing while it lasted, he made me feel like the most special person in this world.

No one treated me the way he did, he was loving, caring, hardworking, simply amazing.

I loved his constant overprotectiveness, that jealousy when someone would look my way, or the way I'd dress was too much for him.

I looked beautiful in his eyes when I didn't feel like it, he made me feel safe.

He made sure I was never upset, always making me feel safe and happy.

Anthony is one of a kind, and is definitely worth keeping around forever.

I can't lie that I don't miss the warmth of his lips, or his hugs. He knew me, when I was feeling good or bad. I miss that....

I miss us.

But I can't have that anymore, if only I had stayed home.

But would that have changed anything between us? What if we ended up breaking up either way.

Why did I leave? That's a question I will always ask myself.

Was this all worth it? Why didn't I fight harder, why'd I give up so easily.

But I never gave up, I was still here..holding on to what we called forever that ended in a split second.

I was blind, thinking we would have enough time to pick up where we had left off.

I blame myself, I always will.

I'm sorry Anthony, that I wasn't enough.

That I didn't fight for us, that I wasted your time.

But most of all for not being the person you wanted to be with.

But you have nothing else to worry about, because from this point forward you won't be hearing from me anymore.

It's better for you.

For me, for everyone.

You're happy, and I need to learn to be happy.

Even if that happiness isn't with you anymore.