The Secret Between Us [BxB]

4. Foreign Territory

^Matty^ 

As I drove onto the highway a beautiful Ferrari roared beside me, edging me to race. If it was four months ago, I totally would have cause I'm not a pussy. But even though the car was silent as far as passengers go, I knew I wasn't the only person in the car and refused. Letting the Ferrari pass me while taking one hand off the wheel protectively press against my small bump. 

"Don't worry, I won't get us arrested. It would be unfair for your record to be dirty before you were even born, huh baby girl?" I thought to myself. Always fearing the day someone bugged my car and leaked audio to the world. 

I'm sensitive to everything these days.

It was weird to think of my baby as a little girl. Could I raise a girl? A boy maybe, but a baby girl? 

Abortion was never an option. The moment I found out about my baby's presence I knew if I did, I would regret it for the rest of my fucking life. 

But what am I going to do? 

Sure, I'm not some teenager living in the slums who can barely support himself but it's more complicated than that. 

Right now, at this very moment, there are two white vans following closely behind me, just waiting for the opportunity to get the perfect photo of me fucking up somehow. They want to see me with a secret significant other, getting pulled over by police, or doing something scandalous for their stupid magazines. 

And I'm just supposed to bring my baby girl into this mess? Sure, bothering me is one thing but my little girl? I don't want her to grow up around this. 

I'm not exactly the stereotypical best mommy on the planet either. 

Adoption? 

The world seems to come crashing to a halt when the world enters my brain and my heart skips a fearful beat.

Could I go into hiding? Give up my baby to some stranger and pretend she never happened? 

Fuck that, her father would track her down then kill me if he knew. 

Would her father ever know? 

All these serious questions combine to form an overwhelming nervous knot in my stomach. But they're all going to have to be answered some day. The baby's not getting any smaller. 

How would I even tell him? 

No, I don't care if I have to be a single parent. I don't need her daddy in my life looking at me like I'm some freak show. 

I decide to ignore the scary thoughts and turn up my Spotify.

"For fuck's sake," 

I groan as Rockabye by Clean Bandit plays first on the shuffle and before I knew what was happening the tears were starting to build in my hazel eyes. 

Thankfully I was close to home where I sat in the parking lot and cursed out my stupid hormones. The hot tears I had been holding in for so long just finally released in one fucking flood that seemed neverending.

I can't help but think of the disappointment that's going to flood my dads' faces when they find out. 

Am I going to have to give up my entire career, leave NTB, and abandon everything for this baby? 

Fuck. 

she just wants a life for her baby
All on her own, no one will come
She's got to save him

The tears start to subside and I just rest my head on my steering wheel and let out a long sigh.

"Think happy thoughts, Matty," I say to myself before turning off the engine and letting both hands run against my stomach. 

I'm going to have a beautiful baby girl in six months and she's going to be the most badass little girl the world has ever seen. 

And I will do what has to be done to make sure she gets here. 

Period.