20. Fuck a Silver Lining

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"Matty...it's going to be okay," 

Kai says as she washes my hands at the bathroom sink in the hospital. The blood from Thomas' stab wound paints the water crimson as it comes off my hands. She uses a small toothbrush the nurse gave her to take off the caked blood under my nails. The doctors already collecting the evidence they needed. 

I was mute to the world. Refusing to answer any questions asked by doctors, my bandmates, or my family. 

The only talking I had done was to Dr. Yang, texting her about the incident and in the privacy of a locked room she examined me. She told me he hadn't choked me for long enough to cause asphyxiation and my baby girl was still stronger than ever. 

"Come on, let's get you out of these clothes," She coaxes me as she takes off my bloody shirt and places it in a bag the doctors gave her for evidence collection. She helps me clean the blood off my shirtless chest and pauses when she reaches my stomach. 

In my head I dared her to ask. 

But she says nothing as she hands me one of my sweatshirts which she found in my closet at home. It was Thomas' hooded sweatshirt. 

I kick off the bloody pants and even my underwear was collected as I tossed on the sweatpants. She then seals the bag and looks me in the eyes. 

"You're pregnant," 

Kai says and I was too dazed to deny it like I would have if all this shit hadn't gone down tonight. She knew I was intersex. She was there when our fathers decided to break the news to me. That's when we learned my Appa was the same way and he had given birth to Kailani and I the same way I'm about to give birth to this beautiful little girl.

"Who knows?" 

She asks next and I shake my head, tilting my gaze down to the floor in hopes she'd stop asking questions for now. In hopes, she would let me go.

And she does. 

I walked back out to the hospital room where Kai handed the bag of clothing to the doctors and I placed myself at one of the chairs. The private hospital room now missing one thing.

A bed.

Thomas wasn't exactly in surgery. The stab wound wasn't deep enough to puncture any internal organs but they took him to stitch him up and give him a few scans just in case. He already had two blood transfusions since he got here and I thought he was close to death when I was speeding down the interstate to the nearest hospital. 

"Is Thomas the father?" She asked after we sat there in silence for a good thirty minutes.

"No," I finally muttered, my voice was scratchy and hoarse due to the extensive screaming and crying.

"Does he know?" She asked next and I nodded. I didn't want to speak unless I absolutely had to and being my twin sister, she could read me like an open book and stopped asking questions. 

Two hours later, a sleeping Thomas was rolled into the room and I quickly stood to meet the doctors. They told us they were only keeping him overnight for observation and if he didn't have any complications he would be sent home. 

"I'll give you some space while I call a few people and let them know about his status but I'll be back okay?" She reassured me, giving me a small side hug before leaving the room. 

Then it was just the two of us.

The only sound left was from the heart monitor stemming off Thomas' finger and I walked up to his hospital bed where he lied. I took his hand as I examined him. He seemed to look more flushed out then when he first got here and I let out a long sigh of relief. 

When I do, he opens his eyes and my heart freezes, instantly feeling guilty for disturbing his much-needed rest. But the smile that forms across his tired face melts the ice away and he gives my hand a small reassuring squeeze. 

"Hey Kitten," he croaks and my eyes started to burn all over again. 

"H-h-hey," I could only stutter back to him, so choked up with emotion that I found it hard to communicate with anyone. 

"Come here," He gently coaxes me and I climb into the hospital bed with him, deciding to lie down on the side without the IV and snuggling up to his hard chest.

He wrapped his arm around me and kissed my forehead before I let all my emotions flow through my eyes. His soft breaths and the sound of his heart beating against my eardrum were the only things relaxing me.

"I love you," He whispered as he kissed the top of my head, rubbing small circles into my back as I cried myself to sleep. 


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